Pinhead in a Haystack

Okay…So, I feel I should explain something…

Background on Pinhead:
He and I were friends in high school. We lost touch after he graduated. He dated a crazy person who was very, very serious about him not even having a conversation with another girl. They broke up. We started hanging out again. We made out twice (drunken stupidity). He lied to me about something HUGE in his life that, as his friend, I felt betrayed that he had kept a secret for over a year. Things were weird because I didn’t trust him anymore. And weird because, obviously, after all this time, he still didn’t trust me. This has all taken place over the last 10 years.

He is very closed off. And in our friendship, I never really understood it. He got weirder and weirder as time progressed and now, as I find out, he thinks the reason I am weird around him is because we made out and is completely effing wrong. I mean, are we in 7th grade?

Reasons for space:
1. He lied to me.
2. He made excuses that went like this: “I didn’t want to change your opinion of me.” (Well, buddy, YA DID, but not the way you thought.)
3. He still can’t talk about it.
4. He starts fights on the daily if I let him. (And Viola, you have the reason I don’t talk to him!)
5. He presumes to know everything about me.

He has done some great things for me in the past (helping me with moves, picking me up in the middle of the night and bringing me to friends when someone I love died, holding a cold beer on my foot when I broke it). And for my friends. But for these reasons, I feel this space that I never even sensed before. And I don’t know that I can ever trust his reasons for doing the things that he does knowing how little he seemed to trust me before. It really is a shame, because it really did hurt me when all of this happened. I really missed having him around there for a while. But…the missing him ended when I tried to make an effort and was thanked with a nice, big, stubborn comment and a bunch of sarcasm, arguments and unreturned calls.

And maybe I just can’t deal with deceit. And maybe needs to make things difficult so that he doesn’t have to let anyone in. I just like to think that you get what you give. And when you are a loyal friend to someone for upwards of 8 years and then they deliberately make you feel like you can’t be trusted, it is a slap in the face. Friends don’t do that. Pinhead did and it makes me insane. Every time I see him is a reminder of how betrayed he made me feel.

That’s my story, folks, and I’m sticking to it.