Day Four: A Song that Makes You Sad

Evidently, internet, I listen to a lot of depressing music. To choose this song, I went back and forth from Jeff Buckley to Ben Harper to Ryan Adams and back again, but I finally settled on “Return” by OKGO.

This song was on their first album, which I listened to constantly after I saw them open for They Might Be Giants (many, many moons ago) and became a little obsessed. (Which may have been because I actually got to meet them and they all gave me hugs because I had bought and was wearing one of their shirts. They weren’t aware that, the reason I was wearing their shirt was because Alex had spilled something all down the front of mine. But I still have the shirt and I still like the band a lot.)

Shortly after Matt died, I was standing in my bathroom, brushing my hair and listening to OKGO, and “Return” came on. And I don’t know if I had just never listened to the lyrics before but it was like I was hearing the song for the first time. And the whole song seemed to be written for my dear friend.  Of course, as soon as I realized this, I slid down to the floor, hit repeat on my CD player and sat. I don’t remember if I cried or how long I sat there.

Every time I hear this song, I think of Matt. I miss him.

Now its years since your body went flat and even memories of that
are all thick and dull, all gravel and glass. But who needs them
now -- displaced they're easily more safe --
the worst of it now: I can't remember your face.

Return.

For a while, with the vertigo cured, we were alive -- we were pure.
The void took the shape of all that you were, but years take their toll,
and things get bent into shape...
Antiseptic and tired, I can't remember your face.

Return.

You were supposed to grow old. Reckless, unfrightened, and old,
you were supposed to grow old.

Return. You were supposed to return.