Epiphany

I don’t know when all of my weaknesses started creeping up on me, but I don’t like it. I guess it is because I am 25 now. Things have changed. There is something about the number that makes people just expect you to be a certain way. And, in turn, I suppose the pressure tends to wear you down. I don’t know why that is. Really. What’s in a number? Even Jason says I am “growing up”. I think it might freak him out too.

The thing is…at 24, it was totally excusable to act like an idiot, because you aren’t yet MID twenties, just teetering on the edge. Now, and for the last few months, I have been seeing myself differently. And seeing other people differently. It is kind of unnerving, really. The same people that have always been, have taken on new identities. Only in my mind. And things have changed in there, believe me. The funny part is that I don’t know exactly when it happened. Things that would have bothered me six months ago no longer mean a thing. And I am finding myself looking forward to my new start in work and new semester in school and meeting new people (something that I may SEEM to be good at, but I tend to fumble around for things to say and proper ways to say them) and doing the whole, NEW thing. It is just strange. And staring me right in the face.

I don’t want to be weak. And I feel weaker, yet more optimistic about the future, than I ever have although it seems like that is an oxymoron to me. It is definitely foreign. I am used to feeling exactly the opposite, so I don’t know what the hell is happening. For someone who has always shut OUT the emotion and dreaded the future and change and everything, I sure am doing a full 180, aren’t I?

I suppose I seem that I may be dwelling on this. But it isn’t the age and it is such a strange…epiphany. That is what it is, I think, an epiphany. So welcome to it, ya’ll. Make yourselves at home.

Everyone told me this would happen. I just thought I had it all figured out.