Anyone who has read this thing lately knows that I have been going through some weird shit. I have been deciding which of my friends are too high maintenance and then, phasing them out. Last year, I could never have done this. I could never have just decided that I didn’t want my old friends anymore. But I really feel this way now. I feel like everything is changing. Becoming a bore, really.

You know that you are one of the people that I have decided to keep if you are receiving any type of correspondence from me at all, be it the phone, email, whatever. (So, Jason, don’t take this as a personal reference!) There is just so much going on with people. They are doing their things in completely separate worlds from the one in which I live. Having babies, buying houses, getting married. And I think to myself, can I see myself doing these things one day? The answer is…there is no answer. I don’t know. I don’t know that I will ever feel like I fit in with these people again. And it doesn’t make me sad. It makes me feel free. Clean. Ready to start fresh. And really, the only thing stopping me is this city.

That sounds silly. I know.

Seriously, though, I love this city. I love that we have the appearance, in some parts, of a quickly growing city, and in others a laid back place to watch the waves and enjoy the peace. This city is my home. This city is my heart. But…I have memories here that I can’t easily escape. Bad ones, good ones, it doesn’t matter. They are memories, and if I expect to let my friends drift off and not be bothered by it, then I think I need to not be haunted by memories that might tempt me to want to keep them. Because the truth is, they will never be the same again. My eyes have been opened and I feel enlightened. I feel that I am content with the beautiful friendships that I have already. The ones that require no extra pushing. (You can take that comment personally, Jay). I am not terribly bothered that Tiff is leaving, because we have formed an unbreakable bond. And I can stand talking to Brandy and Ricky and Tory and Jason and Sean on the phone, because I know that I love them, and I know that no matter what, they are part of me. It does suck though, that the few people I wish I could see every day are so far away. (Bastards! All of you!)

I have finally stopped stressing about change and about losing the people that I love. I know that eventually, everyone leaves you somehow…and I can deal with that. I will just give them as much love as I possibly can, while I have them, and when the time is right…I will set them free.

The time is right for some.

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Teeth Like God's Shoeshine"- Modest Mouse