So, I decided just now that, it being Sunday, and I, having nothing to do, owe it to myself to get drunk. I have had a strange weekend. I have been quiet. I find myself being quiet more often than not these days.
People keep asking me what is wrong. And…I suppose, nothing is. I just feel different lately. Not bad different. Just oddly different. Almost like someone else.
Today, I desperately wished that Tiff were here so that we could spend a sunny day watching reggae and drinking Red Stripe. But alas…so, I spent my day organizing things that needed desperately to be organized, starting with my boxes upon boxes of pictures. I wanted to get rid of things that I no longer need. Memories that I no longer use. Thoughts that I can do without. Kind of an…emotional Spring Cleaning of sorts.
I never throw pictures out. I keep them forever. I wanted to remember every single ounce of history without flaw. And I do. Which is why this “Spring Cleaning” was so important. And now it is done. And I feel…liberated. But, in my liberation, there is a vague sadness. Some sort of emptiness that I can’t remember ever feeling before. It hasn’t come about today, but has been building for a while. Today could very well be the moment I have been waiting for. The moment I let everything go. The moment I find complete freedom from demons. Let’s hope so.
I realize that my posts are rather sad and uncharacteristic of me lately. But I assure you…I will be back to normal soon…and when that happens…well, we will all be relieved.
Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Blood Makes Noise"- Suzanne Vega