Testosteroney Post

Okay, so I have offended my boy friends…

I want to extend my love to all of you with too much testosterone. Happy?

And you, with the anonymous comment, don’t hate, I know who you are. Don’t anger this Norwegian Ninja, she’ll take you down…Yeah, that’s right. I said it.

After TNG’s meltdown on Saturday night, I wasn’t sure I would hear from him, but I have…and more than I had anticipated. Although, I am not sure what it means at this point. I have, against the advice of DJJonny, overanalyzed the situation.

I tend to overanalyze not just when I like someone, but when I don’t. I envision the worst possible scenario and accept the impending doom to be inescapable. In this scenario, TNG is really great. Which has led me to believe that there is something wrong with him. He has to be psychotic. Or gay. Or…was raised by wolves and has a strange fetish for midget porn. Realizing that any of these things could still turn out to be true (the last one is a little unlikely, but nothing’s impossible), I have been guarded. But not in normal Crizzle fashion. I have been guarded just against having feelings, not against total and complete honesty. Not against being candid and completely…Crizzle.

Two things about this scare me.

Up until now, I would hide emotion but not completely shut it out (which is what I believe that I have done here). It just stayed somewhere buried until I wasn’t scared of it anymore. This situation is new. I can honestly say that I don’t really care if we continue to date, but I enjoy his company.

2. Under different circumstances, if I could model a boy, he would be this guy.
(Of course, he would look a lot more like Ben Harper and he would know how to play an instrument). He would have a lot of the same interests that TNG has. And he would be able to carry on a conversation like him.

So, the problem…

TNG has some ex issues. I don’t know much detail but I know that this breakup is recent and that he didn’t take it very well. Which makes me…probably a rebound. The weirdest part is, I am not completely opposed to being that girl. Seeing as it has been so long since I have actually “dated” a guy, it seems to be a good way to “get my feet wet” so to speak. Besides that, with my lack of attachment and the insane amount of fun we have even when we are just talking, I can’t see how it could be bad. So, really, we are friends…that make out. And seeing as that, for now, we have decided that that is as far as we will go, everyone’s happy. Right?

This is why I scare him. This conversation is what brought on his meltdown. This is the point when he said, “Shit. You are so well-adjusted.” HA! If only he knew he was talking to the most neurotic girl he will ever meet. But, like I have always told Brandy, people get along when their neuroses compliment each other.

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: “Like a Feather”- Nikka Costa