Forty-five minutes following our 7am meeting involving a video from HR about the evils of accepting food and gifts from drug reps, I sit here, eating my (free from drug rep) asiago cheese bagel from Panera.

My supervisor, evidently, thinks that meeting at 7am with the whole department is a productive way to get things taken care of when, in actuality, it is a colossal waste of everyone’s time. And I don’t know about everyone else, but I know I love dragging my ass out of bed an hour early to hear ten minutes of information that applies to me and 50 minutes of drivel that doesn’t. I was ten minutes late for the meeting. I woke up at 6:37. I left the house at 6:46. I arrived at the meeting at 7:09.

Luckily for me, I missed half of the HR video about this thing that they call “compliance”. But what I saw was still too much.

Some highlights:

What do you do if your coworker uses the office printer and paper supplies to print several personal documents?

a) What? I never saw a thing. I was busy WORKING.
b) Run to the first available authority figure and let them know about the “non- compliant behavior”.
c) Alert the person that he/she is “breaking the law, breaking the law”.
d) Who the fuck cares?

If you picked B or C, I will kick you the next time I see you. If you know this much about what your coworkers are printing, then you don’t have enough to do. Therefore, you are expendable. Therefore, you are fired. Everyone in the office hates you anyway.

I’m not saying to like, run a side business from your desk using office supplies, but good god, if I print a personal email, I don’t think that my HUGE CORPORATION is going to miss the .5 cents that this sheet of fucking paper is going to cost them. And if they DO miss it, then I need to get a new job because things are obviously not going as well as I thought.


soopadoopachaloopa said...

i love using office tools for personal use. i mean if it's there eat it right? at my place they get the good glue.

shirley said...

e) Run off with their personal documents and sell their identities to the highest bidder.

f) Offer a "cut" to the HR person that catches you.

shirley said...

Hee, hee!

Jezebelle said...

g) Pull down your pants, sit on the printer and have them help you make photo copies of your butt.

shirley said...

h) Demand color copies of said butt. Enlarged.