The Office (Picnic)

So, today, we had a big “office picnic”. In a conference room. Which was decorated with streamers and all kinds of Tiki Bar sort of stuff that was cheap and colorful and made of plastic. When I walked in thinking, “Get out of my way. I see brownies”, I was given a raffle ticket and herded around the conference table. Chicken wings. Seriously, people, bring sushi. Chicken wings are nasty. The have that stringy, veiny goop hanging on them and they are more a pain in the ass to (attempt to) eat than they are worth.

“Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw” was playing and Susie Sunshine kept repeating some gibberish about it being the song for some “September party”. I don’t know what that means. Unless she is planning to try and get all of the physicians hammered so that they don’t want to choke the cheer out of her…

SS seems like she could be okay. If she would shut her fucking face for like, I dunno, FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. Because although I rarely see her face, I know when she has a zit, I know when she didn’t sleep well the night before, I know what time her husband fell asleep on the couch and I know when she got new shoes, how much they cost, where she got them, and then we have to listen to her drag her feet all day (which implies, “hee, hee, I just got new shoes, I have to scuff them up/make sure everyone notices! Hee hee…”

Anyway, I guess maybe I don’t think that she could be okay. Evidently, I really hate her. But I smile all sweet when I have to and I guess that is all that matters.

In other news, Brandy just compared watching the Dateline interview with Britney Spears to watching monkeys jack off at the zoo. I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not that means she plans on watching it. But if you know Brandy like I know Brandy……..

Okay, I’m about done here.

Seacrest, OUT.

Oh, fuck, you know what I mean. Get out of here.