Working on the same words for weeks. That’s how I feel. I have felt drained. Have disguised everything with humor. Have missed someone with so much intensity that it has been unbearable. But I have kept on keepin’ on, as they say. I think as the anniversary creeps up, I start to remember more than I do all year. Even the constant reminders that I set up around the house aren’t enough to make it sink in. Until this time of year. When the heat is stifling and the sun shines. Sometimes, it is just easier to ignore the things that pain you. It is easier not to go to the doctor to find out what is wrong because of the fear of hearing that it is serious. It is easier to stay in a bad relationship than it is to say the words, “It’s over”…or to hear them. Fear. Fear of facing what is real. Fear of the truth. And sometimes, when I wake up in a cold sweat, after seeing his face, I feel comfort. But only for a second. Only until the reality creeps up. Only until my eyes are open.