Oink, Oink, Baby...

One thing that I never got into was this internet dating madness that everyone seems to be doing. I am social by nature. I want to communicate with people. I want to connect with the world outside my head…but I am not so sure that meeting someone on line is the right way to go about it. It seems impersonal and fake. And being that I like to judge the character of a person based on a wide array of things before I decide to befriend them, I feel that it lacks a key ingredient for friendship or otherwise.

There have been exceptions. Like some of you know, DJJonny is an “on-line” friend of mine, who for about two years, I never had any contact with outside of an email here and there. And in that time, I came to respect him very much and consider him a friend. He was genuine and you can just tell he is a decent guy with nothing but good intentions. (Meaning, he never tried to lure me into his secret lair and have his way with me…Thanks, buddy.)

Lately, I have encountered several…other…kinds of people on line. People who…well…freak me out a little.

I can blame no one but myself (and the person who convinced me to join MySpace, you know who you are) for this. Because since I have gotten an account and posted a picture (stupid, stupid, stupid), I have been asked out on dates, told that I am “fly” and “hott”, and most recently, propositioned for sex. And no, I am not exaggerating, someone actually asked me to have sex with him.

What I find amusing about this whole thing, is how it all happens. I never put off anything that says, “I AM LOOKING FOR SOME RANDOM SEX!” but yet, I get these guys. The conversation goes like this…

HIM: What did you think of (Insert any movie and funny comment here).

ME: It was alright.

HIM: You wanna have sex?

ME: *While getting out the Uzi… Ummm…what?

The thing is, I love funny people. And I guess I am a little naïve because, in this case, when I got a hilarious introduction (aside from the fact that I thought I already knew the guy), I answered, thinking that maybe…JUST MAYBE…he wasn’t a deviant. Is it possible that he could be just a funny guy who wanted to make someone laugh? Oh no. He is a pervert looking for some action.

I have made it abundantly clear (I am pretty sure) that my being on line is (in NO way) an attempt to pick up guys. Or chicks for that matter…and in no way can I rationalize asking someone you have never even seen in person to have sex with you.

And what the hell is up with cyber sex? Do people DO that? I like the good, old fashioned, ACTUAL sex that happens when you are in the same room with someone. Preferably someone you have met (in person) at SOME point and came to the conclusion that they weren't creepy and/or derranged.

Stop being weird, you myspace bastards. You are scaring the Crizzle. And she doesn’t like you. She will hunt you down and chop off parts of your anatomy that would prevent you from ever being so frisky again, assholes.


wmjwatson said...

I've done cyber sex... well, not ME so much as apparently the chick I was chatting with was... well... apparently trying to get a spot off her happy button. I didn't know that until AFTER. I just thought she wasn't typing much but then, I can type a LOT.
And internet dating was interesting. I enjoy it to an extent because of the very reasons you list for NOT liking it. You can simply TALK and not worry about all the other stuff getting in the way an dsince I am mostly personality ao I have to go with my strengths.

the idiot said...

Yeah, people are just strange... Hey, you should come see my new secret lair, it's awesome!