A couple of weeks ago, I went to Pookie’s for the usual one day a week we sit around together and drink wine and watch movies. I went over really early in the afternoon and we went to the grocery store with “the monkeys”. This was the first day that I had spent an extended period of time with her kids. Or any kids for that matter (with the exception of ZH’s) being that I am not really…a kid person.
The weird part about the day, is that I actually had a good time with them. Even though E was steady climbing up my legs if I tried to put her down and J was vying for my attention with a vengeance. I am usually the friend that can be your friend if you don’t force me to hang out with the kiddies. And that is only because, well, they make me uncomfortable.
I feel like, in order to hang out with children, I have to turn into Crizzle…rated G. I’m not sure that I even have a rated G version. And if I do, I have no control of when she comes out to play. I have not been child proofed and I rather like it that way. I talk like a sailor, I smoke, I drink, I have sharp corners on things in my apartment, I don’t put those little caps on the outlets and I don’t lock the cabinets that contain the cleaning supplies. Any bodily fluid that threatens to be messy and anywhere but where it should be makes me feel dirty and nauseated. I have a hard time picking up a box of baby wipes if it is opened for fear of what kind of nasty germs will touch my skin and threaten to infect my body. And I don’t like that kids don’t know when to blow their noses and that they get crusty snot nastiness on their faces. What’s worse is that, even though that would be the point where a normal person would try and clean the crust off, I try and stay as far away as possible and yell for their moms to clean them.
Yep…motherly instinct…Lemme tell ya…I don't have it.
But I can say that, for the first time in my life I am actually starting to appreciate a kid can wrap his whole body around your legs and squeeze all the doubt out of you. It is very comforting to know that I am not completely hopeless (At least until I see snot. After that, there are no guarantees.)