4.04.2006

Spring Break Rant

I don’t understand why the people who deserve a Spring Break (AKA, ME) don’t get one. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the kids get one. And for what?! So that their parents can stress about what to do with them for a week when they are at work? So that they can sit around and play video games. No, dude, it isn’t right. I have been thinking about this all day and I came up with a few simple rules for what a Spring Break should entail and why kids should not have them, but adults should. AHEM…

1. Spring Break should involve alcohol. I find that, since the legal drinking age in these here United States is twenty-one, KIDS ARE NOT ALLOWED to drink.

2. Spring Break should not involve any sort of parental unit. KIDS ARE NOT ALLOWED to be left alone. (Or they shouldn’t be, because they are…well…small and are not always all that smart.)

3. Spring Break should take place along a body of water. Preferably the ocean. (It doesn’t matter which one.) KIDS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED to be that close to the ocean alone. Sharks like to eat children. Proven fact. (Okay…I lied.)

4. Spring Break should involve loud music and shabby hotel rooms. KIDS HAVE horrible taste in music (seriously, even AS a kid, I knew this…Ice, Ice Baby) and SHOULD NOT stay in hotel rooms alone.

5. During your Spring Break, you are required to make out with at least one person you do not know. KIDS SHOULD NOT even know what making out is, let alone do it. They should still be grossed out by the opposite sex and locked in closets until they are old enough to enjoy Spring Break.

Seriously.

Now, this said, why in the hell do I not get one. I am of legal drinking age. I am allowed, by law, to wander freely about…unsupervised. I like the beach and know that the best thing to do if you are bitten by a shark is flail around like a maniac and/or bite him back. I have good taste in music and happen to find shabby hotel rooms to be…well, shabby, but I am capable of attaining said room (thank you, Mr. Credit Card). I am well versed in the making out with strangers thing, and am not afraid to do it again.

Not to mention the fact that I work all year long and have way more to worry about than homework. Dammit.

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "The Woman in You"- Ben Harper

2 comments:

soopadoopachaloopa said...

did you steal my right all the time machine? if you did you can keep it i was just asking.

shirley said...

Oooh - Spring Break for adults. Droool.