Got Telepathy?

I am about to disown my family.

Today when I got to work, I had an email from my mom. “Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you all week. I thought you were coming over on Tuesday or Wednesday. Did Fish Head call you last night? She is coming into town for the weekend and should be here this afternoon.”

Of course, Fish Head didn’t call me. Because as always, I am the step-child and will never find anything out about anything until after it is over.

So then, about thirty minutes later, I see that Fish Head is online. So I asked her why she didn’t tell me she was coming in and what her plans would be. She said something about how she didn’t know until the “last minute” that she was going to have the weekend off and that mom “didn’t even know until Monday”. Now…I could be wrong here, but Monday was, I dunno…like 4 days ago. In the time since Monday, I have in fact, spoken to my mother and quite possibly to Fish Head (who…”will call back”). Neither of whom had mentioned a damn thing to me.

Now…this may not seem like a big deal, but here’s the thing. Fish Head, being quite possibly the ONLY person in my family that I ever make an effort to hang out with, but it doesn’t help that I never know when that will be, because no one ever tells me anything.

But it doesn’t just happen with Fish Head. Last month, my cousin Miguel had a birthday party on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, I knew nothing about it until the call I got from my mother on Sunday night telling me that Miguel was asking where I was and was kind of upset that I didn’t show up. To which I responded, “HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT PARTIES I AM NEVER TOLD ABOUT?!” Am I supposed to possess some sort of telepathic RSVP system? One that would allow me to know exactly when and where such events will take place but also send out a wave of “accepts” or “regrets” straight to the minds of party planners and the family guilt trippers?

Does anyone know where I can get one of those?