An Open Letter to the Idiot Staying at Rad Neighbor's Apartment

Dear Idiot Staying at Rad Neighbor's Apartment:

We haven't met. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Spaceface and I own the washer and dryer that we allow Rad Neighbor to use. When Rad Neighbor uses our washer and dryer, we don't mind so much for a few reasons: a) He is super nice, b) he offered to pay for our internet, and c) he saved Spliff's LIFE! We can overlook the fact that he removes our clothes from the dryer when he wants to use it (even if there is a minor embarrassment factor because he might be doing bad things to our panties) and we don't mind that he uses our water and electricity to wash his skivvies. But you, sir (or madame), are an asshole. We DO mind when YOU remove our panties from the dryer and place them on top of the dryer in a ball because it is rude and, as I said before, we don't fucking KNOW you!

I have put together a list for you for the next time you need to use OUR washer and dryer to do your laundry:

1) Check the washer for wet items.
2) If you see wet items in the washer, check the dryer.
3) If the dryer is empty, place wet items from washer into dryer.
4) NOW, feel free to place your items into the washer.

Here is what not to do:

1) Check the washer for wet items.
2) Find that the washer is full of wet items, remove them and place them on the ground next to the washer.
3) Place your items into the washer.
4) Wait for washer to finish and come back to put your items into the dryer.
5) Find that there are items that aren't yours in the dryer, remove them and place them on top of the dryer.
6) Remove your wet items from washer and place them into newly empty dryer.
7) Place OUR now half-dry "wet" items back into washer.

I know that this may seem complicated to someone who is clearly intellectually challenged but if you could follow these suggestions, I won't have to come down there and punch you in the throat. Oh, and we would appreciate it, assface.

Thanks,
Spaceface