Conversation with a client:
Him: I just need to know when my paperwork is due because I was talking to my support group and they said that you send all these really nasty letters when paperwork is late. Like you are going to set fire to our first born children and stuff.
Me: Your paperwork was due on 4/22...blah blah blah...
Him: Okay, so if I send it now it won't be late right? Cause I don't want a letter about burning my children.
Me: Yes. And we don't burn children.
Him: Girl, I am a big gay man, so I don't even have any. But you stay away from my wardrobe, that would hurt.
Him: Sugar plum, you have been a wealth of information. And just incase this call is being recording for quality assurance : You need a corner office with a male secretary who works out, doesn't like to wear shirts, and gives fabulous pedicures and backrubs. And this is buh-bye. Buh-bye!