Wow. Yesterday was hell. I was so busy. I considered jumping out of a top floor window…but I decided against it since today was payday. Now that I have the paycheck, I am reconsidering the window idea.
ZH called again yesterday as I was leaving work. Like clockwork. I have a bad day, SZH calls and asks me to marry him, always our big joke. It has happened the same way for six years, since we dated. When we were eighteen, I told him that I wouldn’t marry him until he got me a big rock. So, he left and came back a half an hour later and went straight to his room. He came out five minutes later with a ring that he had gotten from one of those quarter machines that they have at grocery stores and he had super-glued a rock to the top of it. He made a big scene in front of all of our friends and actually got down on one knee and everything. It sounds cheesy as hell, but it was so cute. An hour later, the rock fell off…A month later, he moved to Seattle to live with his mom. He was my best friend at the time. He was supposed to be gone a month, he ended up never coming back. Even though we kept in touch, I was heartbroken. I lost my best friend and the first boyfriend I ever had who wasn’t a complete tool. He came to visit last January for the first time since 1998, and things hadn’t changed at all. We fell right back into the same routine we had been in before he left. The proposal thing was a joke for years and it wasn’t until recently that I realized that at least part of him wasn’t kidding. He has it all planned out, I learned yesterday. We were kidding, I thought…at least I was kidding. But now, I am starting to realize that this might not be so much of a joke to him. He has been engaged and has a kid…and still. STILL. And every time we have the conversation, it starts like a joke…and I end up wondering, “what if he has been serious all this time?” and then I freak out a little. Last night, he said something along the lines of ‘you know I am never marrying anyone unless it is you’ then I laughed…then there was a seriously long silence. Then I told him about the crazy pot-smoking neighbor incident to change the subject…I am good at changing subjects. People expect me to. I am random.
Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Yo' Mama!" The Pharcyde
1 comment:
wow, good luck. It seems things like that are often said is a joke, with a grain of truth. Maybe you are meant to be together.
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