I can’t believe that the weekend is almost over.
I spent several hours with L yesterday. We sat talking for hours on the porch, ignoring the fact that the rain was saturating our clothes. We talked about things that we haven’t mentioned in email or outloud in a long time. She has grown up in a way that I can appreciate more than she can know and it makes me want to phase her back in. Not that she had ever really been “phased out”, but she wasn’t a priority of mine for a long time and I think I may have just missed out on a lot.
Things have happened with her that have altered the state of our friendship and maybe I imagined it, but I sensed a little resentment from time to time. Turns out, she seems to be just as happy to let it all go as I have. I feel bad for not having been around when she needed me recently. But then, I would have probably been the worst kind of companion in this situation, knowing how I dealt when it happened to me.
T also came over last night after I got home from dodging raindrops with L. I was worried that she had become the holy roller from hell, and while she is much more into church than I have ever been and while she has changed infinitely in that way, she has not become someone I cannot hang out with. This is comforting. My fear in seeing her was that she would want to judge me or preach to me or tell me that I am going to hell. None of these things happened. The differences that I noticed where just that she wears a leather anklet that says “Believer”, she plays Christian music in the car (which irks me to no end, but I can live with it as long as I don’t have to hang out in the car for long), and she prays more than anyone I have ever met. She is happy though, for the first time since she and her fiancé split, so I am happy.
We did talk about her faith quite a bit. We talked about my faith and also my lack of desire to share it with the masses in a public establishment. My faith is unconventional and private and because of that, and the fact that I am not sure I believe all of the things that I have been exposed to in these places, I feel that bringing it outside of myself is cheapening it and making it generic. She seems to understand this, although, I know she doesn’t expect anything of me in the first place.
I didn’t get to hang out alone, drink a pot of coffee, read and smoke cigarettes yesterday when it was raining and gloomy, so I plan on drawing the blinds and pretending that it is raining and gloomy today instead. All in all though, I am glad that things didn’t go according to plan this weekend. I got to spend time with great people that I have missed and I got to take my heels off and run through the rain like children. That, in itself, can make a weekend enjoyable.
Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Loom" - Ani Difranco
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