To clarify, for those of you engaged in a discussion down there…
My reasons for waiting are:
1. Yes, money plays a part. And it may sound ridiculous, but I just don’t want to go somewhere where I know no one and not be ABLE to be on my own if need be. That’s very important to me.
2. Yes, my friends and my home play a big part. I have never moved around. I have never had to start over. I have never been more than minutes from at least SOMEONE besides a significant other that I could go to if I needed to. I have never had to think about NOT having this luxury before now and to me, it is a huge deal and something to seriously think about and while, yes, I have some of the best goddamned friends EVER, distance will strain ties. Granted, it may not end friendships, but it will, inevitably dramatically change them.
3. I am fucking petrified. Petrified because I don’t get an insurance policy. Because in the end, he can assure me until he is blue in the face, but no one can ever know. So, yeah, I would like to be sure I am making the right choice, before I move three thousand miles from home and potentially ruin something that I have spent the last seven years building.
The fact is, which some of you know and I am sure that some of you gather, I don’t put myself out there much unless I have nothing to lose. But in this case, I have a LOT to lose. And while it may seem that the hard part is over, I am not so sure. Sure that he would do anything for me, yes. Sure that that fact won’t change, no. No one can ever be sure of that. People change. Things fall apart. Plans backfire.
So this time, this introspection, while may be getting tiring for others, is a constant struggle for me. And I feel it is very necessary. And while, yeah, it may seem that it is all fun and games, it is making me insane weighing what I have with the prospects of what I could have. COULD, if things work in my favor, if things happen according to plan.
All in all, yes, I know what I want. I know what the ideal is. I know where I stand. But I don’t know that I am ready for it.
So…if any of you know where I can get insurance for this…hit me up.
6 comments:
Really? I thought I had the ability and RIGHT to make my OWN decisions...weird.
I have DECIDED to stay until June. I want things in order. Period. If things are in order before then, I will go sooner. As of right now, things are not.
Obviously, you did not READ the part where I said I have the "best goddamned friends EVER"...I said that I have never lived somewhere more than a few minutes from at least ONE of them. And whether that would be difficult for YOU or not, is neither here nor there, it is difficult for ME.
I don't understand why it is so hard to understand my reasoning and apart from that, I don't really understand why I feel the need to explain myself. I am venting frustration on MY blog...so...I think I am pretty justified in saying. "I do what I want..."
Word.
Spaceface, wmjwatson has obviously never had to make a decision as tough as the one you've made/are making.
It's going to be effing hard. I will say that right now. It will be without a doubt the hardest thing you've ever done, and there will be days where you wish you'd never left. That is a guarantee. But if you put in the effort and believe in what you're doing, it will be AMAZING.
Seriously-do what you want WHEN you want. Eff the "non-believers". (That's what the New Kids would call them.)
I am totally serenading you in my head right now, Sarah...(and it's totally "Hangin' Tough")
Thank you for saying that, seriously. I am glad that there are other people who appreciate the HUGENESS of the matter...You rock.
Thank you for the kind words, muckypuffin...
Also...I had my grandpa's fried spaghetti this weekend...Divine...I feel better now.
ALSO...HA! ("Hangin' Tough")...you know you love it... :)
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