A friend from high school found me on myspace this weekend. I sometimes wonder why I even have an account, but then, out of the blue, there are people like P-Dogg, who I haven’t spoken to in ages. And all the messages from psychos are suddenly worth it.

Tomorrow, I am driving to Orlando to see John Legend. I was worried I wouldn’t get to go, what with the aching back and the crippled Fiona and everything, but it all worked out, and I will be there, in the front row, cutting bitches who try to get in front of me. (That girl at the Ben Harper show is lucky to have survived.)

I sort of feel bad for being out of the office so much lately, with Vegas, the accident, the move, and now JL…but then I remember how hot JL is and I feel badly no more. It will be a great show. And I might even get to go to Bob Marley’s afterwards…Oh, the excitement!

I spoke to my grandpa tonight for the first time since he got back from his summer home. It was good to hear his voice but, like always, I am saddened by the age of it. I plan to have lunch with him on Wednesday. I feel horrible for living so close but not seeing him as much as I should. But, as I have said before, there is something so terrifying about the thought of him dying that makes it hard to see him and witness his approach. He is going to be 91 soon and it hurts me to think that someday, he won’t be around. I just try to think of the words he said to me when they turned the machines off in Grandma’s hospital room.

“She’s with God now. She will be happy.”

I remember how peacefully the words flowed from his lips and how, with the most reassuring look in his eyes, he convinced me that somehow, it was all okay. I just don’t know that, without him here to reassure me, I will be able to deal with his death. The thought haunts me.

I know that I shouldn’t avoid him in life in hopes of escaping the pain that will inevitably come with his death, but I have been through the pain before, as you all know…and really can’t see myself dealing again.

Therapy.

Wow. This started as a happy post didn’t it? Fooled ya!