The apartment is coming together nicely. I spent three hours last night arranging and rearranging. I slept in the middle of the bed for the first time in ages. I don’t know why, but I have always just stuck to my side of it. But lemme tell ya, there is something about being a bed hog and occupying every inch of your own space that is very…liberating. Strange how the position you sleep in can have so much of an effect on your mood.
I had a long phone conversation with someone who thinks I am a guardian angel. Someone who desperately needs someone to be his guardian angel. Someone that I wish I could help. But I suppose if my just being around helps, I can do that. And I am honored to have that much of an effect on someone. Really honored. I just can’t help wishing that I had more to give. It is so frustrating. And it hurts my heart.
The conversation makes me wonder if it is as simple as he says it is. If I have indeed been placed where I am to look after him. If that is the reason I never seem to be too far away. Literally. It seems silly. But there is too much coincidence involved. Too many links. And I feel like I am drawn to him not in spite of, but because of his illness. Because we are all a little bit crazy at times. And in the midst of all of the crazy, just when you feel like you might not be able to make it through, there are those people who are able to pick you right up out of it. I hope I can be good at being that person if need be.
Sometimes we all just need to be saved.