How We Roll...

In order to understand the life that we (Spliff and I) lead, you have to have some background information. So, here are some snippets from the last five years of our friendship.

In the first apartment that we shared, we threw a lot of impromptu parties. Loud, ridiculous parties where people threw furniture down the stairs and gave lapdances in the living room. Parties that were so stocked with liquor that there was never more room than for one person to stand in the kitchen at a time. Parties where our boyfriends wrestled and passed out face down in closets. Parties where we got nicknames like “Crotchel” and “Tiff- (hack, cough, hack)-NAAAAY”. And where Magic Mike thought that if he went to sleep, someone would steal his kidneys. Yes. We are lushes.

So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that, when JGJ’s crew from The ATL came into town and ended up at my STUDIO apartment, half-naked boys were running around giving people hickeys on their backs. Because where there are Spliff and Criz, there is debauchery.

I can’t go into details about anything, mostly because of the loss of memory that comes with drinking entire bottles of Jagermeister, Captain, and two 12-packs of beer, but I can say that when we woke up on Saturday morning and saw that we had, again, fit three people in my bed and there were boys passed out all over the floor, I was pretty sure I’d have some pretty good photos…

And…I don’t know if “good” is the word. But interesting certainly fits. And the best part? Evidently, I was the photographer and am not in a SINGLE ONE. (HA! You poor bastards!)

Needless to say, after Friday, the days kind of blended together in some sort of hazy, hung-over sort of blur.

I’ve finally gotten the apartment back to a state of cleanliness that I can tolerate but am still wondering a few things.

Where the hell IS that black flip flop?
Who made eggs at 4am and did they forget to use a pan?
Why in God’s name was every article of Spliff’s clothing sopping wet?
What possessed people to strip?
Where the hell did the rest of my weekend go?

If you have answers to any of these questions, I would be delighted (and possibly relieved) to hear them.