Used Up

I'm feeling sort of used up. I feel unapproachable and angry and sad for no good reason. Well, at least not one that I can pinpoint. It could be one of many things.

1. This headache that just won't die. And by that, I mean five fucking days of being stabbed in the eye with an ice pick.
2. My job. I am really unhappy (as I am sure that you have noticed) and I just want to see some light at the end of the tunnel. And I am starting to get discouraged.
3. Then there's the obvious, I miss my grandma thing. She should be here.
4. I miss ZH. The holidays passing without his phone calls is an unbearable concept. I feel like an asshole most of the time. Having someone you care about so deeply thinking you're an asshole is the worst feeling in the world (even though I don't actually know that he thinks I am an asshole. It's just the nicest of all the things I imagine he must think of me.)
5. I don't have enough money to do nice things for everyone that I love. I hate that. I want to buy beautiful, thoughtful, perfect gifts and I a) have absolutely no motivation to shop and b) not enough money to make it happen.
6. I can't seem, no matter what I do, to get enough sleep. I want to sleep when I should be awake and I want to read when I should be sleeping.
7. I am going to be 27 in 11 days. Holy crap. I am old. That sucks ass.
8. I am going to Michigan for Christmas/27th Birthday. I want to stick my head in an oven. People from Michigan come to FLORIDA for Christmas. NOT the other way around. That's just freaking stupid. It's gloomy outside.
9. The fog was so thick this morning that no one knew whether to drive or sleep. So they did a little bit of both.
10. I watched a documentary ("Paper Clips") last night and cried my face off. And now I look like a monster.

It's been a tough week. But, I can't lie. It is looking up. Tonight, all the good shows are on and before those are on, I am meeting Spliffany and a friend for dinner at a place with really yummy food…and BEER. Tomorrow, JGJ will be here. (I really hope you don't mind cranky bitches, and sleeping.) And Saturday, because D (I had almost forgotten) is one of the most thoughtful, accommodating, lovely human beings on the planet, we will be making lefse in memory of my grandma and following that with a reunion of the Karaoke Crew variety…which I can only imagine, will be delightfully hilarious and full of…well…drunken singing. Duh. I can't wait. So…HOPEFULLY, I will snap out of this goddamned MOOD…(Isn't it about TIME?! Seriously!)

Until next time...

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