In a Nutshell

Tory made me this picture frame once. It has always been right in my room…where I can see it from every angle. Where I can see it always and remember that I mean something…to someone. She made it several years ago after the big falling out and before the years of her marriage and motherhood. Before she forgot about our friendship. Or disregarded it.

I told myself, after the first time, that I would never let her hurt me again. I told myself that I would walk away before I would let that kind of thing happen again. I told myself that I was strong enough to do it too. Then, a few months ago, I got this message from her on myspace and I fell right back into the whole thing. For a minute. Spliff and Rack say that I shouldn’t get involved because of the potential for disaster…and then I look at the picture frame that she made (which all but replaced the picture of her on that New Year’s Eve 87 years ago when she looked adorable at Einstein’s with that cute tiara on,
which has been hung in every apartment with the exception of this one).

Tonight, I got home and wished that I could call her. With Spliff having a crisis of her own and my life being so completely confusing, I just needed her voice. But I don’t know that she is the same. And I can’t risk being hurt again…and seeing as she uses the term “bygones” to excuse her behavior of the last two years…I can’t really justify the call.

But sometimes…I just want to feel like someone knows me.

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