Saturday night, after coming home from seeing a show with OE and Spliff and watching The State for the 7 millionth time, OE and I were falling asleep on the couch and I couldn't take any more. I had just put on pajamas when I heard the steady, drunken knock of The Rad Neighbor. We haven't seen too much of him since the last time he came over after drinking massive amounts of beer at the Blues Fest, so I was sort of shocked when the knocking started. I opened the door to find TRN and his friend standing at my door with a bottle of champagne. Evidently, drinking champagne at 4 in the morning and then knocking on your neighbor's door is totally standard. Before I even had a chance to speak, Friend of TRN was shoving the bottle in my face and telling me to take a swig. Naturally, I did.
I invited them inside, even though all I really wanted to do was go to sleep. But instead of venturing inside, they opted to stand in the doorway until Friend of TRN decided to go back downstairs. TRN maintained his drunken stance at the top of our steps and we played a little game that I like to call, "If I put my hand RIGHT here on the door frame and you close the door, will you shut my fingers in the door?" This game is evidently really popular with drunken Naval officers and proves to be the most annoying thing you could ever do for 20 minutes while standing in my doorway at 4 in the morning.
At this point, I figured, if I couldn't beat him, I would join him. I finally coerced him to come inside so that I could get a beer and I managed to convince him to sit down. Once he did, we had a conversation that went something like this:
TRN: You said my ankles are fat.
Me: No I didn't.
TRN: Yes you did. Look at them. They are fat.
Me: Ummm...No they aren't.
TRN: Hold on, I'm gonna take my pants off.
Me: What? No. I can see your ankles. You are wearing shorts.
TRN: No. I have to take my pants off.
It took a while to get him to understand that, under no circumstances was it necessary for him to remove his pants in my living room to show me his ankles (that were already completely visible). So he didn't. I was relieved and after 45 minutes of talking with him, I just wanted to go to bed. I grabbed TRN by the hand and dragged him back down to his apartment to "find his friend" (which was really just code so that I could get him out of the apartment). We found Friend of TRN passed out, face-down in the guest bedroom and I walked TRN to his room and told him to go to bed. Of course, he was argumentative and belligerent but I stood firm as I locked his front door when I left. When I came back, OE and Spliff were both sleeping and I was far behind. And I feel like I haven't slept since.
I can't help but wonder if TRN remembers trying to take his pants off in my living room.