Because I Can

I don't usually write about relationships here because when this blog was started, a lot of people read it that I wouldn't necessarily talk to about my personal life. It isn't really like that anymore. The people who read this blog know me very well and the ones who don't probably have never met me anyway so I have reevaluated the whole thing and I have decided that, fuck it, this is my blog. Dammit. I will write about what I want. And right now, I am going to write about The Kid.

Sometimes the age difference between The Kid and I is barely noticable. I can talk to him just like I would talk to any of my friends and he is capable of adult reaction and uses words that have more than 2 syllables and I enjoy that. Other times, though, I find myself wondering what I've gotten myself into. Don't get me wrong. It isn't like I have to hire someone to watch him if I want to go out or help him with his homework or anything, but there are definitely times when his age (read: maturity level and understanding of the world) gets in the way of things.

I am, by his admission, intimidating to him. I am used to being pretty dominant and I like a certain level of control over most situations. I can't help it. I don't sugar-coat and I don't fuck around when it comes to what I want. I can see how this would be hard for a stubborn young military guy and I don't blame him for being a little taken aback by me. It isn't the first time. He gets visibly annoyed when I won't let him touch my iPod and he doesn't understand that I don't let ANYONE touch my iPod. It has nothing to do with the fact that he is "The Kid", it is just...me. I am twenty-eight, stubborn and set in my ways and because of that, we bicker. It is sort of a battle over control. I don't really want to be in control all the time. I want to be in control when I want to be in control. The only problem is, that cocky sailor in him wants to be in control when I want to be in control too.

He is quick to become hurt and he is quick to become a little jealous and emotions show in his face so clearly that it reminds me how old he is. I tend to be thick-skinned and come off as a little cold (okay, maybe a lot cold) which, I think, tends to offend him. We have had countless conversations about the nature of our personalities and how different they are and how difficult it is to relate to each other sometimes.

This weekend was one of those times. TK and I were partying with Spliff and The Boys (Clifftopher and Anthony) one minute, and the next he was storming out the front door like I had stolen his crayons. The fact that he stormed off like that really didn't affect me all that much because we were very, very incapacitated at the time and I would have rathered him be away from me if he was going to act like a child, but I was angry as hell that, in a minute of unwarranted anger, he was willing to get in his car and drive away like an idiot. I was pissed that he would be so ridiculously irresponsible when I don't even think he was sure why he was picking a fight with me in the first place. But there he was, acting on a drunken impulse to flee an unfavorable situation where, if he had just stayed, he wouldn't have had to call me repeatedly and then throw rocks at the window two hours later so that someone would let him in. Aside from the fact that, as a result of his temper tantrum, he had to spend time on his return apologizing, in various forms, to everyone individually.

This whole incident was something I don't really feel I can hold against him, given the nature of the situation. I mean, he was really not in any shape to form any sort of cohesive thought. This, paired with his military stubbornness and his lack of...age, sort of explain the whole thing. I just don't know if, assuming this happens again, I can be so forgiving. I am not terribly certain that I have the patience for all of that. I mean, I like TK. I think that that is pretty obvious considering he has managed to stick around this long. For that, he deserves props. Being that I typically date guys who live a minimum of two hours away...sometimes a six hour flight...and TK lives just minutes from my apartment. So, you know I must like him a LITTLE.

I am not throwing in the towel just yet. I am going to be an adult because one of us has to be and I am going to hang in there and see if it goes anywhere. And if it doesn't, it won't be the end of the world and if it does, then I will have either regressed back to my youth so much that I am unrecognizable to my loved ones, or he has grown up enough that it doesn't bother him that I have a personality. I am hanging in there because, dammit, he is so cute.

*Don't get the wrong idea about TK, he is a great guy. A little bit wet behind the ears and a little bit insecure, but overall, he makes me laugh. And did I mention how cute he is?

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