So, as most of you know, Spliff and I lived together for about 7 years. We have known each other since we were 15 or 16 and when I decided to move to the beach, she packed up her stuff and headed north and that's where it all began. Naturally, living together for so long, we rubbed off on each other. We used the same slang, inflections, and often spoke in unison. This was all sort of expected when you are around someone so much. Coupled with the fact that we were both blondes with blue eyes and were rarely spotted independently from one another, people sometimes got us confused. In the grocery store people would ask if we were sisters, sometimes even if we were TWINS. Neither of us ever really understood that, because we are OBVIOUSLY very different. For instance, I am taller, and just generally bigger. My eyes are dark blue and my hair is a natural blonde where Spliff's eyes are the lightest blue and her hair has always been blonder because it is dyed. I have freckles and pale skin and Spliff is tan and unafraid of skin cancer. These might not seem like obvious things to just any regular Joe who just met us. But they are big differences to us. I am not saying I don't get it. People are dumb and the two of us have similarities.
When we started working together, we weren't shocked at all that our office-mates couldn't tell us apart. And even though I had been here six weeks before she started and thought that there was no way that this would be an issue, it was. And we thought it was pretty funny and could have easily taken advantage of it, but we didn't. We calmly and patiently accepted that nothing had changed and that we would be confused for a while until people learned our personalities and, you know, what we LOOKED like. And eventually, people started to figure it out. Gradually, people got to know us and could tell us apart.
We are rarely ever together outside of work anymore, but at work functions people we have to schmooze with still ask, "Are you sisters? You look alike!" And even though it is frustrating, it is still sort of funny that even now, with Spliff dying her hair brown, closer to her natural color and her bizarre obsession with skinny jeans and her glasses, people still get confused. But those are people who have never seen us before.
I have suspected for a long time that one woman in our office still hadn't figured it out. Up until about two weeks ago, Spliff's desk was directly next to mine, so when N needed us, she would walk over, say one of our names and wait to see who turned around. Every time it happened, I would point it out to whoever was around and say, "See? I still don't think she knows which one of us is which!" But I was never sure. Until today.
Today, after I have been with this company exactly 2 years, 7 months and 4 days, I asked Norma to locate something for me so that I could take care of it. She read the email I sent and didn't respond. I assumed this was because she was trying to locate said document and would get back with me if/when she found it. No. Twenty minutes later, Spliff placed the document I requested in my hands and said, "This was on my desk and I have no idea why." Yes. That's right, internet. She thought Spliffany was me. Still. After almost three years of seeing us on a daily basis, she still has no idea which one of us is which.
I find this offensive. From now on, I am calling her Judy.