A-HA!

I am so sick of my life…does anyone ever really get to the point where they are happy where they are? I can’t see that being an easy task.
I remember at one point, wanting to move to Tokyo, learn to speak Japanese and become Buddhist…why didn’t I do that? Because I am so westernized that I can’t think beyond the material excess that I choose to drown in. This country, myself included, has no soul. I need out of the stupid American every day. I need out of the world of Caramel Machiattos and Britney Spears and capitalism…I need to escape from all of it. I want to bask in the sun. I want to be free. I want to stop caring about money. I want to follow my bliss. Why can’t I do that? Why don’t I have the balls to take off and fucking GO? Because I would miss my family? Yes. And no. Because I would miss my job? No. Because I have spent so many years of my life trying to become more educated and earn more money and get better things that I have forgotten what it is like to LOVE what you are doing? Yes. This is an “A-Ha!” moment. But will it change my life? Doubtful.

Tomorrow will be like all the rest
Smiling when I want to scream
Lying to the faces
Lying to myself
Stuck