Read at your own risk...might cause smashed toes...

I am wondering if I am going to hear from T today. I am thinking that I won’t. After the breakup she became really into church and stuff…which is totally cool, and I totally respect it. But, given past history, it seems as though she may be one of the ones to go overboard with that kind of thing. Some people go nuts with drugs, some with alcohol…hell, some go nuts with fitness…and then there are the ones who go nuts with church.

In a way, I think these are the worst ones. Because they aren’t like drug addicts and alcoholics who keep to themselves and don’t care if you are like them or not. They don’t need you to change for them to be reassured in their ways. They aren’t like the fitness nazis who just mock your pudgy stomach when you walk by them. These obsessive holy rollers actually want to change you. They want to show you the light, to get you saved, to make you a "better" person. (GASP!)

I am a little worried about T though because she had the same views on this stuff as I do and then, overnight, things changed. And then she stopped talking to everyone. And has still been elusive. She wanted to hang out this weekend, but I am not sure it’s a good idea. I mean, I will never judge her for her choices, but I don’t want to feel as though I am being judged either. And ever since I was a kid, when I went to another denominational church, I have always felt very…well…judged. Out of place. And in my experience, that’s how they think they will get you. THAT, my friends, is how they suck you in. They emphasize the things you don’t like about yourself and they make you feel worse. Like you can’t possibly be worthy of the love of this…this…God…That is the last thing T needs right now. I think this, but on the same token, it is so uplifting to have a real faith in something. And it really is a beautiful thing. But I, personally, believe in the concrete…and I am the only concrete thing in my life. Just me.

There is nothing wrong with being religious. There is nothing wrong with being Christian, but please…PLEASE…if you must believe it, don’t push that shit on me, and don’t treat me like a red-headed step-child because I don’t buy what you’re selling. I have my own beliefs. And I am secure in them. I treat people well and when I don’t, I am certain that karma will punish me, therefore, I don’t need the threat of eternal damnation to scare me. All I need is the faith that good will come to me as my reward for not being evil. And if, for that reason, when the world ends, I go to heaven, sweet! I made it. Otherwise, well…I was the best person I could be. And I wasn’t sitting around in a church with people who were too busy judging the not-so-holy to take a real look at themselves for what they really were. Hypocrites.

So there you have it. I won’t say what I believe or what I don’t believe, but I will say that I believe in being a good person. And I am not at all saying that everyone who is Christian behaves this way, it is an impression that I have gotten from a lot of them though. Living in the south will do that to you, I suppose. Make you a little wary of the bible thumpers. Anywhere CHILDREN are harassed for not being SAVED, I tend to want to stay away from. And more currently, if I feel that someone I love is going to judge me or try and convert me, I get a little nervous, cause I really don’t wanna have to regulate.