Resolving to Resolve

Typically, I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. Not because I am against resolutions, but because I am against the idea of not being able to resolve anything on any of the other 364 days of the year.

I have been thinking about it though, and since I have not been resolving anything at all, I have resolved to resolve.

There. I said it.

So, incase resolving to resolve doesn’t cover the resolutions for the year, I will resolve some other things too.

1. Now obviously, the biggie is to quit smoking. But, in thinking about this and the fact that I have almost no willpower at all, I have decided to resolve to smoke more. It seems the only way to go. And then, if I break the resolution and accidentally quit smoking, I won’t be upset at myself for being so horrible with resolutions. Problem solved.

2. Secondly, I think it is important to manage my money better. Fortunately for me, I rarely spend any money on anything I want and very seldom have any left over, so there is really nothing to manage. Again, problem solved.

3. This brings me to my third and final resolution, which is to learn to successfully rob banks to have money to manage. Notice I said ‘successfully’. I plan to sit myself down for the first couple of months of 2006 and study great bank robbery movies like “Point Break” because really, if I intend to be good at this, I have to learn from the best, and who better than Patrick Swayze? (Who, by the way, I have been informed is releasing a rap album. Can anyone confirm this? I think Ricky got the wrong mushrooms on his pizza when he told me this.)

That about sums it up. I am really ambitious. Its one of my strong suits.