The Future is Wide Open

Yes...I just quoted Tom Petty...shut up. He's awesome.

This morning, while I was stuck in traffic at the normal spot (one mile from the office), my thoughts became bright and cheerful. Despite the fact that everyone forgets how to use blinkers (or drive cars in general) at 7:55am. Despite the fact that I would have to spend yet another day cooped up in an office with people that I can’t stand. Despite the fact that the longer it takes me to get to work, the longer I have to wait for my coffee. I thought to myself as I was sitting behind the wheel, singing along with John Legend, “I only have to drive this way fifteen more times!” And everything has been wonderful since then.

Well, you know…wonderful is a strong word. But it has been bearable. And almost painless. See? I am okay. I have not become homicidal! (I can’t promise that this will last…but for now, all is well.)

I’m tired though. And not really physically tired, although the pain in my back kept me from sleep for most of the weekend. There is something so irritating about being mostly confined to a bed and not being able to sleep…well, it is irritating if you have to be alone…Ernge is pretty good at sleeping anytime. And using it against me that he is a cat. And has such a stressful existence that brings with it such severe exhaustion. Grr…

Either way, I am tired because with this new job comes a mile long list of possibilities for me to sort through. I am suddenly left with options. No more saying, “I can’t go to school for that because they only have classes during the day and I have to work” and no more stressing about trying to find time to juggle my personal home time with my homework home time. Because now it will all be home time. And the future is wide open. I am excited and exhausted and thrilled and flustered and kind of want to run and hide all at the same time. I feel a sense of freedom that I haven’t felt in eons and I love the idea of grabbing my future by the balls and making things happen. But it is also kind of scary at 27 to finally have the means to do so.

I have spent today looking into programs of study that would suit me. Or that I think I might enjoy. Up until now, the prospect of actually doing something that I enjoyed seemed an impossible scenario. But I feel better. Tired, but better.