The closer I get to my last day in the office, the longer it takes me to get ready for work. I don’t know if this is because I want the way I look to reflect the way that I feel (which is fantastic) or…if I just don’t give a good god damn anymore. Maybe a little bit of both. Either way, I do know that I have started to apply mascara and lip gloss not at my desk when I get to work, but while I am still at home. This is a huge step. I have no longer been sweeping my hair up into a messy heap and walking around looking half asleep (no mascara + blondish eyelashes = very sleepy-looking me), I have been making sure that it is straight and tidy and looks presentable (people think that I have actually had it colored or cut or something, it is very strange).
Today, I got ready, slowly applying more makeup than I ever bother to wear to work and almost skipped out the front door thinking a combination of lovely thoughts along the lines of, “Damn, I look hot today!” and “Eleven more days and I am OUT!” I bopped along to cheesy pseudo-reggae in the car and considered a trip to Starbucks, despite the fact that I was running late. Nothing could stop me. I was invincible. And then, I stopped at the familiar light right in front of the building I used to work in, turned to inspect the driver in the next car and as soon as I did, the driver’s head turned quickly to face forward and I realized that I had inspected this driver before. We’d made a habit of meeting like this, he and I.
It is always the same encounter. I glance over to find that he is already looking at me. I see his head whip around to disguise his attention. I recognize the straightness of his neck and his serious nose. But I recognize the way that the corners of his lips turn up in a subtle little smile just in time for the light to turn green. And then, he is gone. Just like that. I am left in a tornado of emotion as I continue my journey. I am flustered, confused, curious and I can’t help but want more. I want one more second of the attention he used to reserve just for me. I am saddened that our whole relationship is reduced only to glances in passing.
But as I pulled into the parking lot this morning, the frustration that normally floods through me had only been a drip and I smiled. “Well, at least I look hot today…”