The Outsiders

I don’t understand why no one can comprehend what I mean when I say, “I’m not in the mood for people.” I mean, it means just what I said.

It means I want to wake up on a Saturday morning without hearing giggling or yelling. I want to take up my whole bed (leaving, of course, the obligatory spot for Ernge) and not worry about tossing and turning. I want to make coffee and sit on the porch and read for an hour without interruption when I wake up. I want to do all of the things that I do when there are no extra bodies in my apartment. Which would require there to be NO EXTRA BODIES.

The thing about having a roommate is that I don’t get to make this call. I can’t control who comes to my apartment or when they come over or how long they stay or how much noise they make. And normally, I don’t mind either way. Normally, I would join in on the noise and ridiculousness. But there are times when I just, to maintain what little sanity I have left, need there to be a few simple conditions. Nothing over the top, I just want to feel like I am home. I want to feel the peace and tranquility that I used to get from a day spent alone (or at least partially, I mean, I wouldn’t kick the roommate out because again, hanging out with her isn’t much different from being alone).

There are a handful of activities that aren’t the same when faced with “outsiders”. For instance, I don’t close my bedroom door when I sleep or when I change clothes. Firstly, because when I sleep, Spliff is usually sleeping so she isn’t running around the house trying to keep me awake…(well…USUALLY…heh heh) and secondly because Ernge likes to wander in and out of my room throughout the night to eat and drink and pee all over the kitchen floor. He doesn’t like it when doors are closed. He tends to yell. And yes, he YELLS. I can change with the door open because I am fairly certain that Spliff is not concerned with seeing me naked. I appreciate this about her. We have an understanding: She doesn’t want to see me naked and I don’t want to see her naked. So when I say, “I’m about to be nude” she does not stop the conversation, but she might wander away until I am out of her line of sight. This system works both ways and is very efficient. “Outsiders” require closed doors and interrupted conversations. I hate that shit.

Living alone was great in this respect because a) I only had one door in my apartment and b) no one came over unless I invited them. But it lacked the hilarity that comes with living with my best friend. It lacked the idiotic conversations and uncontrollable laughing. It lacked a whole lot of things. And I missed it. But on days like today, I just wish that I could have it back…just for, like 48 hours.