Very Drunk Kids

After the three hours of sleep that I managed to get, I wasn't really up for the Pearl Jam CD exchange that I had planned with my new friend Julie. In fact, I was barely able to muster up the energy to do the homework that I had been putting off all week. (DONE!) But I managed to make it all happen. I even got in a trip to Target to buy a bunch of crap that I didn't need! Go me!

Once I got home, I started to try and put the finishing touches on my midterm paper and then I heard Thing Two and Spliff come in. They had left the house about three but I hadn't thought that after last night, Thing Two would be able to drink...Boy, was I wrong. The whole thing went like this:

I was at the lappy, typing away and trying to sound clever and supremely educated when there was a knock at my bedroom door. Enter Thing Two.

TT: Crizzle? Did I leave my cigarettes in here? Oh. Yeah. I'm leaving. (Stumble, stumble...)

ME: Uh...Okay. Well...Bye?

TT: (Attempts to hug me and smooshes my finger between his leg and the metal arm of my chair.)

ME: Yelp!

TT: (Exit Thing Two.)

A few minutes later, I heard the bathroom door close so I went out into the hallway to see if Spliff was...in the same shape.

Spliff: YO!

Me: Hey! Where'd ya'll go?

Spliff: (Walks right past me into her room. Stumble, stumble.)

Me: Hello?

Spliff: Huh?

I stopped trying to ask questions at this point. I told her that Rock of Love was on and she immediately started screeching and trying to work her TV. That's when I tried to come back into my room.

Spliff: You're leeeeeaving?!

Me: Uh...I guess I can stay. Let me get a beer.

Spliff: Sit on the BED!

A few minutes later...

Spliff: Crizzle!! I have the munchies! I think I just cooked something. Hold on. (She then runs to the kitchen.) No. I guess I didn't.

Me: There is a waffle in the toaster.

Spliff: That's a waffle.

Me: ...

This went on for the next thirty minutes. "Criz! I want pizza!", "Crizzle! I want a taco!", "Crizzle! Where's my cat? I want my cat. I want my tac---cat." Burritos, pizza, cats, cheeseburgers. You name it...she wanted it. When I stepped onto the balcony to smoke, she turned on her music and started screeching about loving the song and then turned out all the lights. I am not sure what the hell she had to drink, but...it might have been crack.

Not to mention Thing Two...I had tucked him in on the couch so he could wait for B-Rad to come and get him.

TT: "Crizzle! You wanna cuddle with me?"

Me: Nope.

TT: Awwwwwe...why not Crizzle?

Me: Nope. You need water? Let me get you some water.

TT: I hate Spliffany, Crizzle. But I love you. You're awesome.

Me: That's nice. Drink the water.

TT: I hate her. I will never see you again. I can't look at her anymore. So that means I can't look at you either.

Me: Ummm...Huh?

TT: Will you tell her I said that? Will you tell her I hate her and I don't want to see her face again?

Me: Uh. Okay? I think you need to take a little nap now. Nite, nite, crackhead.

Spliff has since passed out in her room (I think...she may be listening to music with all the lights out...sitting straight up in bed like when I left her) and TT is passed out on the couch clutching a glass of water. Holy crap. It's like having kids. Very tall, very drunk kids.

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