A Shower with No Water.

So, I think that everyone on the planet knows how I feel about weddings, baby showers, bridal showers and anything that involves a bunch of giggling and/or mushy shit...so you might be surprised to know that I attended LBG's bridal shower over the weekend and did not puke. In fact, I didn't even WANT to puke. (This is HUGE for me!)
For starters, LBG and I have been friends since we were 12, so I obviously enjoy hanging out with her and we don't get much time to do that these days, so naturally, I couldn't NOT go.  Secondly, I got to see a bunch of people that I haven't seen in ages and carve a penis out of a cucumber! How can you not have fun while watching all of your friends create penis art? 
I wasn't sure what to expect when I was asked to bring 1) a broom, 2) a pair of underwear, and 3) nail polish remover. In fact, the only one of those items that was of any use, was my black lace thong...and that was only useful for a minute when LBG was guessing who belonged to which underwear and insisting that mine was belonged to Jess. 
Normally, any party involving that many chicks and no boys is not my cup of tea, but in all fairness, there were two boys there, they just happened to be gay boys. So...they counted. Sort of.  Either way, we got to wrap LBG up in a dress made up entirely of toilet paper (to which she says to me, "This probably isn't even the first time you have done this to me"...because, lets be honest...Just because I don't remember wrapping my best friend in toilet paper, doesn't mean it hasn't happened.) Jess and I took home a lot of prizes because of her penis carving skills along with her mastery of other bridal shower games.  (These games are strange, internet. At one point, I was standing in a front yard in the middle of the afternoon with pantyhose tied around my waist with limes in the foot part, swinging them around trying to knock stuff over...Yes. This was the object of the game. I was not just doing that because I felt like it.)
I am super glad, though, that I did not get pulled over on the way home because the array of weird shit I had on my person and in my car, would have surely caused questions.
1. The thong in my purse.
2. Queso dip.
3. A broom.
4. Two sandwiches.
5. Something called "Orgasmic Teardrop". (You will have to use your imagination for this because, well...I don't really want to get into it with you, internet, we are not that kind of friends.)*
6. A teapot. (and tea)
7. An air freshener.
8. A candle.
9. Nail polish remover and cotton balls.
10. Banana Now and Laters.
When I got home and emptied the contents of my purse and bag out onto the table, I thought Spliff was going to fall down. (Mostly because of the Orgasmic Teardrop...but...you know...) That is how you know that you have had a successful day. Right there.
*I don't carry it around in my purse, okay....it was a PRIZE, you perverts.


wmjwatson said...

A prize you seem rather happy to have won. It's good stuff... you'll have lots of fun.

Marvin said...

Wow, this is big for you. Not only are you getting old but usually you don't do emotions except when it comes to me, because you love me of so much.