Well, internet, the decision has been made. Spliff and I are breaking up. (I almost put an exclamation point here, but I don't think this is the correct way to start this. You know, I would like to get across the fact that this is a very somber [!!!] occasion. ) We spoke a couple of weeks ago and have decided to go our separate ways. (Which, of course, translates to: I get to look for an apartment and move out while she attempts to pay the full rent on her own.) This, honestly, was a long time coming and we have both wanted to bring it up, but weren't really sure how. The truth is, as much as I love having her in my life, she is really in too much of my life. Most of the time I feel like I can't breathe. Now I know what you are thinking, Internet, and I assure you, it was like this before we started working together. And although I can see her face every second of every single day, I rarely speak to her at work. (However, I am currently looking at her.) Either way, the decision was made and I am...a lot of things...
1. I feel great about being on my own again. Before Spliff came back to town, when I was living alone in my fantastic apartment in town, I was so happy. I loved being able to get up on Saturday morning and read. No noise. No people crashed out on the couch, unless I invited them to be crashed out there. No ridiculously loud Bedouin Soundclash (who I HATE...) always blaring all over the place. So, I am looking forward to going back to that happy place. And I am looking forward to getting back into writing here...and just in general and I feel like I am MUCH more likely to do that when my environment changes.
2. I am terrified about whether or not I am going to be able to get all of this money together in such a short amount of time and I am freaking out a little. You know...and I still have no idea where I am moving TO, just that I am, indeed, moving. As soon as humanly possible.
3. I am impatient as hell. Now that I know we are doing this, I want to do it yesterday. I hate going home now and as soon as I get there, I want to find somewhere else to be. It is getting a little out of control, I must say. I would have my shit out of that place in an hour if that were when the new place was ready.
Even with all the excitement (and elation) that I am feeling, it still is (a little) bittersweet. Spliff is family to me. Hell, in some states, I believe we would be considered married by now. It will be weird to see her at work every day but not at home. And it will be weird to watch the trash TV that we are both hooked on while I am at my place and she is at hers. But I can get used to that. As much fun as it is to have a partner in crime, I think I'd actually prefer...not to. At least not all the time. I think I'd much prefer a part-time partner in crime.
So that's the state of affairs, Internet. (Casper. I blogged something. I hope it takes you a month to read this.)