A Terrifying Tale

If you know me (or have read the sentence in the "About Me" section over there on your right), you know that I am terrified of spiders. And I don't descriminate either. I hate the tiny ones just as much as I hate the mammoth-sized ones (partially because I am constantly concerned that they are ON ME, and you can't always see them. Not knowing if a spider is on you? Excrutiating.)


My close friends and family members have (many, many times) had to run to my aide (sometimes from across town) to kill spiders for me. Most often, when my chosen spider-slayer arrives, I am somewhere at the furthest corner away from it in the fetal position, shaking and crying. Naturally.

So, T and I used to work together at the mall when I was in college and to go the back way into our store, we had to use this dark, damp, disgusting hallway. One day, it was raining and my shift was over and, of course, my umbrella was in the car. So, I thought, "Well, I guess I'll stand in this dark, damp hallway and smoke a cigarette until the rain lets up." The rain let up a little bit and as I started to walk out of the hallway, I felt a drop of water on my head. "No biggie." Except when I get to the car, and reach across my body to buckle my seatbelt, I realize that instead of water dropping on my head, a giant brown spider had landed there and crawled over to my shoulder. Just as the rain begins to pick up again, I jump out of my car, right there in the middle of the parking lot and start to flail around like an effing maniac and run screaming back into the disgusting hallway and into the main part of the mall (because this was an emergency and I couldn't wait for someone to let me in the back door) and began throwing my clothes off while making a bee-line for the back room of my job. Luckily, it wasn't far and I don't think anyone saw my little, frantic strip-tease (except T and Jennigiraffe). But let me tell you, internet, I was hysterical and half-naked in the back room for at least a half hour before I recruited T, Jennigiraffe and several Burger King employees that I didn't know, to thoroughly check my car and surrounding areas. Nothing.

I am fairly certain that everyone was convinced that I had dropped seventeen hits of acid and had hallucinated the whole thing. But I know what I saw. And it was huge and ON ME. Naturally, I sped home in the pouring rain with all of the windows down, just waiting for the giant arachnid to crawl out from wherever he had been hiding and make me wreck my car. He didn't, but if you think that I didn't have 19 more people check the car for him, you would be wrong.

So, the other day, I got a nice little facebook message from T including this...It is really funny and I think that the author of this blog and I should join forces and defeat the eight-legged army...But the whole thing sort of makes me itch. Either way...good stuff!