Dearest Ryan,
The strangest thing happened tonight when I was minding my own business, watching American Idol (don't judge me, honey, I need something to fill my time when I am not thinking about you...and let's face it, that shit is hilarious). A commercial for some cell phone company came on, Ryan, and it took me a minute to realize that one of your songs was playing in the background. I realize that you have written songs that really idiotic people sing...and though it doesn't take away from the fact that you are brilliant and one of the most talented songwriters alive, it bothers me when they put your voice on a commercial. Didn't you see what happened to Modest Mouse? OKGO? Ben Harper? Needless to say, I curled up into the fetal position and screamed (while Spliff nearly had a coronary from laughing so hard at me) at the top of my lungs, "NOOOO! Not my RYAN!" As much as I would like to follow your personal advice to me and "ride the sunshine", Ryan, I cannot do so with your exploitation being rubbed in my face during American Idol. I cannot, nay, WILL not stand for this. I vow to keep your good name sacred and non-commercial. If this means that I have to picket said cell-phone company with signs that say "You are stealing my sunshine" (words from a very bad, very commercial song, might I add...SUCKAGE in its purest form), I will do it, Ryan. I will do it out of pure devotion to you and your talented ass. Yes.
That said, I would like to invite you now, to propose. Because, honestly, dear, I cannot wait much longer. The mind suckage that is American Idol will surely be the end of me. Only you can save me.
Love,
Criz
Showing posts with label American Idol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label American Idol. Show all posts
4.18.2007
Life and Stars
My visit with Pinhead went really well. He seems to be the same old guy only now he has to wear a uniform and let people yell at him all the time…Oh, and he will be living in Alaska. Other than that, though, we had a pretty good time chatting it up and making fun of each other. He likes to bring up when I broke my foot outside of a bar, stone sober and then he had to carry me to the car and hold a Corona on it for 3 hours. He likes to talk about the way that my body looked as I folded into a pile on the ground, laughing hysterically and then exclaiming, “OW! I think I broke my foot!”
“Which part?”
“ALL OF IT!”
We are planning to have dinner on Friday, even though I can’t even imagine where I am going to get the money to actually eat anything…but I can sit there and pretend...
In other news, I have something to say to the folks at American Idol. Tim McGraw did NOT write “When the Stars Go Blue”, you assholes! Ryan Adams did…it was on a little album called “Gold”, maybe you’ve heard of it…get it straight! At first I really liked that beatboxer dude. I really did. But after the total rip off of “Love Song” and how he sang it just like 311 (knowing that the judges had no idea who 311 is) and pissing me the hell off, I pretty much want to beat him in the head. Note to beatboxer boy: when 311 did “Love Song” it sucked ass, you should try and NOT suck. That is sort of the idea of the show…but don’t even get me started on Sanjaya.
This no job thing is pretty nice. I can’t say that I miss working, but I can say that I miss a paycheck. I have been putting in applications at places that don’t make me want to vomit and getting my classes sorted out as well as my financial aid and I am wishing more and more that I could just forget working and go to school full time and let that be my job for a while. It could still happen. I just have to make sure that everything gets in before the start of the Summer Term. And that I get my retirement money from the assholes before I make any serious decisions on the matter. I am looking to work at a very low-stress place and just ride it out until I graduate. Because…corporate America can bite me.
“Which part?”
“ALL OF IT!”
We are planning to have dinner on Friday, even though I can’t even imagine where I am going to get the money to actually eat anything…but I can sit there and pretend...
In other news, I have something to say to the folks at American Idol. Tim McGraw did NOT write “When the Stars Go Blue”, you assholes! Ryan Adams did…it was on a little album called “Gold”, maybe you’ve heard of it…get it straight! At first I really liked that beatboxer dude. I really did. But after the total rip off of “Love Song” and how he sang it just like 311 (knowing that the judges had no idea who 311 is) and pissing me the hell off, I pretty much want to beat him in the head. Note to beatboxer boy: when 311 did “Love Song” it sucked ass, you should try and NOT suck. That is sort of the idea of the show…but don’t even get me started on Sanjaya.
This no job thing is pretty nice. I can’t say that I miss working, but I can say that I miss a paycheck. I have been putting in applications at places that don’t make me want to vomit and getting my classes sorted out as well as my financial aid and I am wishing more and more that I could just forget working and go to school full time and let that be my job for a while. It could still happen. I just have to make sure that everything gets in before the start of the Summer Term. And that I get my retirement money from the assholes before I make any serious decisions on the matter. I am looking to work at a very low-stress place and just ride it out until I graduate. Because…corporate America can bite me.
3.07.2007
Blah
There is a guy sitting in my yard playing the guitar and singing right now. And the only noise coming from my apartment is the clicking of keys. Now I can totally see why we are getting kicked out. Oh…wait…
I wish I could say that there has been a lot of fun stuff going on with me lately, but I can only say this, I am broke, I have cramps, and I hate my landlord. I’ve been feeling pretty…”blah”…lately. I am pissed off at my skin, my stomach, God, primetime television, people who have money, the weather, gas prices, American History, myspace, my general lack of creativity or anything interesting to say, my stupid fucking back, pretty much everything.
I’ve been spending most of my time watching bad TV and fantasizing about faking my own death and running off to a deserted island. And wondering why Sundance Head thought it was a good idea to sing “Jeremy” on American Idol last night. Seriously. I think that if you aren’t Eddie Vedder, you should not attempt to sing his songs. Stop it.
School started this week and I got started with my assignments early so that I didn’t have to worry about them over the weekend. I felt good about that, but then I got to the History assignment that I just can’t bring myself to do. I can’t read about history. I can’t do it. Pinhead used to do my history homework. (Keep in mind that I failed.)
Speaking of Jeremies and Pinheads.
I checked Jer’s myspace profile today. I found him a few months ago, realized it was set to private (I hate it when people do that!) and never checked again. Well, it isn’t private anymore. And it honestly wasn’t very interesting. Seems he is back into the import car scene (thank Cheesus I am not around for Round Two of that shit) and everything else I already knew. Wife, blah. Two kids, blah. Looks exactly the same, blah. Same old guy. Only he had Modest Mouse on his profile, which irritates me because the only way I ever knew that music destined for sell-out, was because he was listening to it. (And yes, I AM aware that Modest Mouse already did that…thankyouverymuch.) Either way, it wasn’t all that interesting.
Since the infamous Pinhead phone call, I have been having random conversations via text with him. He keeps apologizing for everything and evidently, plans to be home in about 2 weeks. It should be interesting to see him. It’s been years. I am sort of torn. I am excited to see him, because really all I ever wanted was for him to admit that he was acting like a childish asshole, and now he did that. But I think it might be hard to drag me out of this antisocial slump I’ve been in. But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…he always was good at luring me out with him to a bar, getting me hammered and then starting a fight about something ridiculous on the way home. I can’t wait.
I wish I could say that there has been a lot of fun stuff going on with me lately, but I can only say this, I am broke, I have cramps, and I hate my landlord. I’ve been feeling pretty…”blah”…lately. I am pissed off at my skin, my stomach, God, primetime television, people who have money, the weather, gas prices, American History, myspace, my general lack of creativity or anything interesting to say, my stupid fucking back, pretty much everything.
I’ve been spending most of my time watching bad TV and fantasizing about faking my own death and running off to a deserted island. And wondering why Sundance Head thought it was a good idea to sing “Jeremy” on American Idol last night. Seriously. I think that if you aren’t Eddie Vedder, you should not attempt to sing his songs. Stop it.
School started this week and I got started with my assignments early so that I didn’t have to worry about them over the weekend. I felt good about that, but then I got to the History assignment that I just can’t bring myself to do. I can’t read about history. I can’t do it. Pinhead used to do my history homework. (Keep in mind that I failed.)
Speaking of Jeremies and Pinheads.
I checked Jer’s myspace profile today. I found him a few months ago, realized it was set to private (I hate it when people do that!) and never checked again. Well, it isn’t private anymore. And it honestly wasn’t very interesting. Seems he is back into the import car scene (thank Cheesus I am not around for Round Two of that shit) and everything else I already knew. Wife, blah. Two kids, blah. Looks exactly the same, blah. Same old guy. Only he had Modest Mouse on his profile, which irritates me because the only way I ever knew that music destined for sell-out, was because he was listening to it. (And yes, I AM aware that Modest Mouse already did that…thankyouverymuch.) Either way, it wasn’t all that interesting.
Since the infamous Pinhead phone call, I have been having random conversations via text with him. He keeps apologizing for everything and evidently, plans to be home in about 2 weeks. It should be interesting to see him. It’s been years. I am sort of torn. I am excited to see him, because really all I ever wanted was for him to admit that he was acting like a childish asshole, and now he did that. But I think it might be hard to drag me out of this antisocial slump I’ve been in. But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…he always was good at luring me out with him to a bar, getting me hammered and then starting a fight about something ridiculous on the way home. I can’t wait.
1.17.2007
Classes, The Cowardly Lion and Paula Abdul
This morning I had to attend a “class” for work (which is much like a “meeting” except that someone other than my supervisor talks…and sometimes it is almost worth listening) and had to be at the office 45 minutes earlier than normal to listen to some lady “teach” us how to use email. I ask you, is there anyone out there who doesn’t know how to use their Outlook? I mean, I can understand this if you have never been required to use it before (I guess) or if you had been raised in the woods by wolves, but seriously? Teaching a bunch of secretaries how to use it? When it is an integral part of our every day lives? When we can’t even function normally without it? We need training why???
Either way, it was just like everything else. A waste of time. Time that I could have spent curled up in bed dreaming about sweet things. Like Ben Harper. And calorie-free cakes and cookies. Instead, the alarm didn’t go off and I slept until 15 minutes before I was supposed to be leaving. Magically, I was able to shower, get dressed, and put makeup on before running down the stairs (almost stepping on Ernge), out the door and to my car. Sometimes, I am amazed at what I can do when in fear of having to deal with my supervisor in any capacity.
In other news, American Idol is back on. I’m sure that no one in the blogosphere knew that. And I am certain that no one is blogging about it today. But can I just tell you that, holy crap, I love watching people go on National Television and insist that they really CAN sing and it is obviously the judges and the entire country who are wrong! I was especially frightened by that cowardly lion chick. What the hell? Does she think that since pop music has allowed for people like Mariah Carey (who used to have a beautiful voice) to stop singing altogether, that what it needs is someone who can sing like the Cowardly Lion? Is that what was going through her head as she made her little poster for the mean/drunk/fat judges? While she was fixing her pigtails and scaring Ryan Seacrest with the unearthly noise that seems to come, not from her mouth, but from somewhere deep within her being? Can someone please shed some light on this issue for me? I would REALLY appreciate it. Frankly, I’m frightened.
And what the hell is up with Paula? Has she decided that hiding her drug addiction/alcoholism to be on television is cutting into the time she spends blitzed out of her mind? Is that why she looks like she has been chasing her Vicodin with vodka? Excuse me for being a little dramatic, but can we really trust Paula to help determine who goes to Hollywood? Can we?!
Either way, it was just like everything else. A waste of time. Time that I could have spent curled up in bed dreaming about sweet things. Like Ben Harper. And calorie-free cakes and cookies. Instead, the alarm didn’t go off and I slept until 15 minutes before I was supposed to be leaving. Magically, I was able to shower, get dressed, and put makeup on before running down the stairs (almost stepping on Ernge), out the door and to my car. Sometimes, I am amazed at what I can do when in fear of having to deal with my supervisor in any capacity.
In other news, American Idol is back on. I’m sure that no one in the blogosphere knew that. And I am certain that no one is blogging about it today. But can I just tell you that, holy crap, I love watching people go on National Television and insist that they really CAN sing and it is obviously the judges and the entire country who are wrong! I was especially frightened by that cowardly lion chick. What the hell? Does she think that since pop music has allowed for people like Mariah Carey (who used to have a beautiful voice) to stop singing altogether, that what it needs is someone who can sing like the Cowardly Lion? Is that what was going through her head as she made her little poster for the mean/drunk/fat judges? While she was fixing her pigtails and scaring Ryan Seacrest with the unearthly noise that seems to come, not from her mouth, but from somewhere deep within her being? Can someone please shed some light on this issue for me? I would REALLY appreciate it. Frankly, I’m frightened.
And what the hell is up with Paula? Has she decided that hiding her drug addiction/alcoholism to be on television is cutting into the time she spends blitzed out of her mind? Is that why she looks like she has been chasing her Vicodin with vodka? Excuse me for being a little dramatic, but can we really trust Paula to help determine who goes to Hollywood? Can we?!
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