Okay, so, I really should be working. Duh. But it is Friday, I am bored and my office is the temperature of the tundra. So, in order to keep my mind off of the fact that I am inches from unconsciousness and my toes are turning blue, I have been blog surfing. Or blog reading with a side of stumbling. Either way, here are a few pieces of awesomeness that I found today.
Drumroll please....
1. This made me giggle a lot and also made me think of that 80's movie "The Peanut Butter Solution". I likey. (Oh my GOD, ya'll! Do you remember this movie?)
2. Same guy. I think I want to marry him. I can't stop giggling. (Also, this will totally be my response the next time I am posed with this question.)
3. Thing Two walked in to the room while I was reading this the other day (read: laughing until tears were streaming down my face) and it is chock full of awesome.
4. I just read this just now. And I, again, am in tears. I want this guy to handle all of my affairs for me. (Especially any and all correspondence with AT&T. They only employ individuals with IQs less than 7.) I believe there is also one in which he attempted to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider with seven legs. But I will have to get back to you on that one, internet. After all, I should be working.
I really should get back to that working thing now, actually. Enjoy!
Showing posts with label randoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label randoms. Show all posts
12.03.2010
4.24.2009
The Week in Review...
The last seven days have been pretty much...the shittiest seven days in a row that I have had in a while.
For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of being involved in it personally, here is a little recap.
Friday: Spliff took off for a trip to South Florida to visit a dying relative so I was super stoked about having the night to myself. Ernge decided to give me the luxury of taking a vacation but then The Kid came over anyway, to give me a cigarette (I "quit" two weeks ago) so that I wouldn't pull all of my hair out. Alone time? No. Panic? Oh hell yes.
Saturday: I woke up at 8am, still in a panic, but also completely hung over from the bottle of wine I drank while trying not to smoke cigarettes. (Note: Do not try and replace cigarettes with booze. It does not work. And if you were thinking that you would feel more guilty for smoking than for drinking, you will find that when you wake up and your head feels like an elephant sat on it overnight, a few cigarettes would have been well worth it. I'm just saying.) I canvased the neighborhood looking my little (read: huge) bastard cat with no luck, so I decided to go and spend the day with Anthony and Clifftopher. This would have been fine if Anthony and Clifftopher were...normal people. But they aren't. And they had woken up and immediately started drinking beer. So by the time I got there, Anthony was already well on his way to a drunken stupor and Clifftopher's first sentence to me after he found out Ernge was missing was, "Oh, that sucks! We hit a cat last night on our way back to work. It wasn't yours though, he looked just like Spliffany's cat." Wonderful. Way to ease a girl's mind. Now I am trying to remember when the last time I saw her was too. Everything was downhill from there. I narrowly escaped sometime between the opening of the Captain and the purchase of bottle number 2. And then I spent the rest of the night either crying hysterically or, well, crying hysterically.
Sunday: I finally got my alone time. Only, I couldn't sit still long enough to enjoy it. I got up entirely too early and started to cook. Yep. 8:30 am and I am making mango salsa, a breakfast casserole, and contemplating guacamole. All at the same time. The kitchen looked like a disaster but I didn't have time to panic until the kitchen was clean, the bathtub scrubbed and my toenails painted. Then came the waterworks. They were so bad this time that I actually had to take ten minutes to gain my composure so that I could call Spliffany and tell her that I hadn't found Ernge yet. I never need composure to talk to Spliffany. That's why we're friends. As soon as I hung up though, I heard that familiar, shrill "meow" coming from downstairs, for the first time since THURSDAY. And when I ran downstairs, barefoot and across my gravel driveway, (don't mind my bloody feet) I was just in time to see his big, poofy orange tail darting in the opposite direction. I figured he wouldn't stay away much longer now, the little fatty must have been hungry. Crisis averted!
Monday: Relieved by the fact that there was a large orange furball sleeping beside me when I woke up, but exhausted due to lack of restful sleep because of all the utter panic, I went to work where the mere mention of a happy hour get together is completely frowned upon...because everyone except about 5 of us is a recovering addict. So naturally, the girls and I decided to head out after work to celebrate 4/20 at E-Street. Which was all fine and good until about 9 o'clock when everyone decided that it would be a better idea to turn happy hour into some sort of obscenely late evening. Spliffany went home, leaving me with the three girls who were left, two of whom were hitting on inappropriate boys and the other who was bitching about the other two. I, and this might come as a shock, internet, STOPPED drinking...In order to help preserve the dignity and safety of the youngins. And, if I do say so myself, I did a damn good job. I yelled at people about being silly and called a taxi but then faltered at the end of the night when I was too tired to argue about letting someone drive me home. And then, there were cops. And there was drama. But luckily for her, there was no DUI and there was a taxi just waiting to rescue us. When I got home at close to 3am, I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to my favorite boy, and there he was, purring at me when I walked into the room! YAY!
Tuesday: All that happened of note on Tuesday is that I was an hour and 15 minutes late to work due to the lateness of my evening and inability to WAKE THE HELL UP when my alarm goes off...and the fact that I had to pick up a coworker (whose car was on the side of the road from the night before) before coming in. I did end up going shopping after work and rewarding myself with adorable flip-flops and an awesome dress (whish The Kid later told me was unflattering...to which I replied, "I don't care, it's comfy." Because it really could be the ugliest thing in the world, but I feel naked in it...so...whatever...I look like a cow. What else is new? But just a note: If you are my boyfriend, you are supposed to tell me that I am a goddess. All the time.)
Wednesday: BAD. BAD. BAD. But also sort of a relief. I might actually figure my head out. That's all.
Yesterday: A huge, annoying blur of crap that ended at 9pm when I hurled myself into dreamland.
Today: Pretty much the same as yesterday only will hopefully end in a bottle of wine. And there better not be any missing cats when I get home.
4.23.2009
A couple of things...
Realizations:
I am honestly too old to go out with people under 30. I am. I can't hang. And not because I feel the need to outdrink them. Because I feel the need to babysit them. I hate babysitting.
There is nothing like skimming through someone's blog and realizing that the entire post you are reading is about you. And then you sort of want to kill yourself.
I have a lot to say but am terrible at articulating things lately. And the people I need to be able to "articulate at" are either really impatient or entirely too patient.
I am about to eat an entire bag of Combos for lunch. What?
There are a handful of songs that, in the last few months, have become songs that I cannot listen to without sobbing hysterically. I am probably losing my mind.
Randoms:
I have been having dreams about hanging out with rappers. Last night I had a dream that Spliff and I had set up a campsite on someone's lawn and I had somehow gotten roped into babysitting Kanye West's 17 children.
I recently came across someone whose last name was Crapanzano. And when I started to describe it as being like saying, "I crapped my pants, in Italian", someone walked by and heard me and I believe that she thinks that this was the truth. I mean, I don't know how she factored in the "in Italian" part...but who knows.
Hannah does not like to be called a llama.
Spliff and I just planned an entire funeral, including procession and readings, for someone's favorite pen.
I have become addicted to on-line poker. Don't judge me.
That is all.
6.27.2008
I Gotta Wear Shades
"You got the SUN in your VAGINA!"
(One of the funniest, greatest, most awesomest things anyone has ever said to me!)
Try and figure out how THIS conversation happened. I dare you.
(One of the funniest, greatest, most awesomest things anyone has ever said to me!)
Try and figure out how THIS conversation happened. I dare you.
1.18.2008
11.28.2007
Words
Sometimes I lie awake at night composing elaborate poems in my head. The wine is wearing off and the darkness is wrapped around me and I see words through it. Words that make perfect sense and flow so perfectly and I make it a point to remember what those words looked like as I drift to sleep. When I wake up, they are gone. I know that they were there because I can feel them hiding from the light of day and the chaos of the morning. I miss them and I wish that I had gotten my fat ass up to write them down.
9.13.2007
Things of note...
After starting orientation at the new job on Tuesday, I have felt pretty confident about the change of scenery. Actually, I freaking love it so far. Granted, I haven't actually worked yet, just met a bunch of people that I will be working with and a bunch of the higher-ups and toured the facility and stuff. But things seem great there. I mean, seriously, I toured the facility with 5 other people who were new and every single CEO or Cafeteria Manager or whoever seemed to know the names of every resident we ran into. It felt like a really close-knit and lovely environment. I love it so far.
On my second day of orientation, I was with a whole new group of people and I managed to meet about 500 OTHER people who, to me, have faces...but their names are blurred into one big name and I can't match the names with the faces for the life of me. It was a good day, though. We spent the day being herded from department to department and being spoken to by several different people who seem to be important but all made it a point to know each of our names and all kinds of details about our lives. I have never really felt so much like a part of the team as I have over the last few days. It has all been a huge ego boost and a really nice welcome to the company! (I won't even mention the guy in my orientation class who told me I was "perfect" and asked me out...because, well, hell...that was pretty awesome too.)
I don't start the actual job for a couple of weeks but I have another orientation day coming and am actually not dreading it. My new boss called today to tell me that she is really excited about my joining the team and that everyone already seems to love me. Which gives me a super nice feeling and makes me all the more excited to start playing Bingo with the oldies! I can't wait.
When I got home, though, things got a little hairy. The sky turned black and the power went out for 5 hours...the only thing left to do was drink a lot of vodka and play rummy with Spliff. Because seriously, when all else fails, drink vodka. Word.
On my second day of orientation, I was with a whole new group of people and I managed to meet about 500 OTHER people who, to me, have faces...but their names are blurred into one big name and I can't match the names with the faces for the life of me. It was a good day, though. We spent the day being herded from department to department and being spoken to by several different people who seem to be important but all made it a point to know each of our names and all kinds of details about our lives. I have never really felt so much like a part of the team as I have over the last few days. It has all been a huge ego boost and a really nice welcome to the company! (I won't even mention the guy in my orientation class who told me I was "perfect" and asked me out...because, well, hell...that was pretty awesome too.)
I don't start the actual job for a couple of weeks but I have another orientation day coming and am actually not dreading it. My new boss called today to tell me that she is really excited about my joining the team and that everyone already seems to love me. Which gives me a super nice feeling and makes me all the more excited to start playing Bingo with the oldies! I can't wait.
When I got home, though, things got a little hairy. The sky turned black and the power went out for 5 hours...the only thing left to do was drink a lot of vodka and play rummy with Spliff. Because seriously, when all else fails, drink vodka. Word.
9.11.2007
Work and Alzheimer's
Today was my first day at the new job. Actually, it was just the first day of orientation but nonetheless, I had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn and tried to make two cups of coffee enough to leave me functional.
When I got there, I miraculously found the nursing station and asked where the orientation would be held (exactly as I was instructed) and was directed into an empty room. After about ten minutes, I went back to the nursing station and politely asked again where I should be.
"You'll just have to sit and wait for them, someone will show up."
Ten minutes later, I was still sitting alone in the training room, staring out into the hall at the nurse's station when someone walked by and said, "Crizzle? You're in the wrong room!" She laughed and I apologized profusely while she led the way to the ACTUAL training room.
After that, I spent an hour in a room with someone who was supposed to be educating us on...something or other...and the two other orientees talking about how we were all opposed to ass-kissing, eating breakfast and drinking coffee. After that, we were led to another room where we were spoken to about the importance of risk management and subjected to a story that made us all cry. Then, just when I sufficiently wanted to slit my wrists, we got a smoke break. It was completely foreign to me that this new place actually had a smoking area rather than ostracizing the smokers and sending us to the outskirts of the city on our fifteen-minute breaks.
I met a lot of super friendly people who all welcomed me to the team and didn't seem to mind at all that I wasn't wearing pantyhose. (Thank you, Cheesus.)
After the break, we were herded back into the room for a lot of informative (read: boring as hell) videos on various topics ranging from "Life in a Nursing Home" to "The Effects of Alzheimers".
During the video about life in a nursing home, I lost my shit and started crying again (awesome!) but during the Alzheimers one, I actually laughed outloud.
Let me explain. I am not a huge asshole who thinks that Alzheimers is a funny disease. I was laughing at the similarities of the symptoms of the disease and that of a drunken stupor. For instance, one of the symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease is that the patient might say inappropriate things. In the disease, this is because of some sort of synapse something or other, but seriously, think about it. Just the other night, JM got super drunk and ran over the the hot bartender neighbor's house and put a "I think you're pretty" note in his mailbox. She didn't necessarily SAY anything inappropriate but not for lack of trying. I think that if he had been home and/or she could have formed a sentence at the time, she would have said something that could be considered inappropriate. Another symptom is "undressing in public places" (this is the one that made me laugh out loud). It immediately made me think of Rad Neighbor. I might have to warn him about early-onset because he clearly likes to undress in my living room. Still another symptom is repeating ones self. This is a Spliffany move. This reminds me of the day that she said, "You wanna listen to Southern Cross" 658 times in a row without any other words uttered.
While the similarities between Alzheimer's Disease and overt drunkenness are numerous, there are also many differences.
1. Overt drunkenness is really funny to watch whereas Alzheimer's really isn't that amusing.
2. Overt drunkenness is usually remedied by sleep whereas Alzheimer's doesn't go away overnight and is not helped by a greasy cheeseburger.
3. Overt drunkenness may cause you to lose your shoes but at least you will remember what shoes are.
When I got there, I miraculously found the nursing station and asked where the orientation would be held (exactly as I was instructed) and was directed into an empty room. After about ten minutes, I went back to the nursing station and politely asked again where I should be.
"You'll just have to sit and wait for them, someone will show up."
Ten minutes later, I was still sitting alone in the training room, staring out into the hall at the nurse's station when someone walked by and said, "Crizzle? You're in the wrong room!" She laughed and I apologized profusely while she led the way to the ACTUAL training room.
After that, I spent an hour in a room with someone who was supposed to be educating us on...something or other...and the two other orientees talking about how we were all opposed to ass-kissing, eating breakfast and drinking coffee. After that, we were led to another room where we were spoken to about the importance of risk management and subjected to a story that made us all cry. Then, just when I sufficiently wanted to slit my wrists, we got a smoke break. It was completely foreign to me that this new place actually had a smoking area rather than ostracizing the smokers and sending us to the outskirts of the city on our fifteen-minute breaks.
I met a lot of super friendly people who all welcomed me to the team and didn't seem to mind at all that I wasn't wearing pantyhose. (Thank you, Cheesus.)
After the break, we were herded back into the room for a lot of informative (read: boring as hell) videos on various topics ranging from "Life in a Nursing Home" to "The Effects of Alzheimers".
During the video about life in a nursing home, I lost my shit and started crying again (awesome!) but during the Alzheimers one, I actually laughed outloud.
Let me explain. I am not a huge asshole who thinks that Alzheimers is a funny disease. I was laughing at the similarities of the symptoms of the disease and that of a drunken stupor. For instance, one of the symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease is that the patient might say inappropriate things. In the disease, this is because of some sort of synapse something or other, but seriously, think about it. Just the other night, JM got super drunk and ran over the the hot bartender neighbor's house and put a "I think you're pretty" note in his mailbox. She didn't necessarily SAY anything inappropriate but not for lack of trying. I think that if he had been home and/or she could have formed a sentence at the time, she would have said something that could be considered inappropriate. Another symptom is "undressing in public places" (this is the one that made me laugh out loud). It immediately made me think of Rad Neighbor. I might have to warn him about early-onset because he clearly likes to undress in my living room. Still another symptom is repeating ones self. This is a Spliffany move. This reminds me of the day that she said, "You wanna listen to Southern Cross" 658 times in a row without any other words uttered.
While the similarities between Alzheimer's Disease and overt drunkenness are numerous, there are also many differences.
1. Overt drunkenness is really funny to watch whereas Alzheimer's really isn't that amusing.
2. Overt drunkenness is usually remedied by sleep whereas Alzheimer's doesn't go away overnight and is not helped by a greasy cheeseburger.
3. Overt drunkenness may cause you to lose your shoes but at least you will remember what shoes are.
9.06.2007
Vodka and Olive Juice
Is there some cosmic reason that I can't make a dirty martini? I mean, seriously, you would think with as many as I drink, I would BLEED dirty martinis...Why is it only B and the hot bartenders that can make them? Is it because I am a Crapricorn? Is it because I am a chick? WHAT IS IT?!
8.02.2007
8.01.2007
Zen and a Clover
There is a huge used book store near my house. I had been hearing about this place since I first started college like, 200 years ago, but I had yet to explore it myself. Today, I decided to go in. Partially because I wanted a book on MLA style for writing research papers, because I am a little rusty and partially because I freaking love books. So, I go in and immediately find like 72 books that I absolutely must have and then I found "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" which I had never read. There were several copies, so I picked the one in the middle, added it to my pile and walked on. I brought my sack-o-new books home and was debating on which one I should read first. For some reason, I overlooked "How to be Good" and picked up "Zen..." I opened it up and started to thumb through the slightly yellow pages and right there in the middle, pressed between two pages, was a four-leaf clover! Is that some sort of cosmic sign that I picked the right book? That I will learn something profound? That I will win a million dollars and get to marry Ben Harper?! Is it?! IS IT?!
4.16.2007
You had me at "coffee".
Things I have accomplished this week
1. Catching up on reruns of “90210” (and remaining puzzled as to what has happened that makes Ian Ziering attractive now).
2. Filling out several applications in a market that has nothing to do with what my resume says.
3. Starting to sleepwalk.
4. Getting new tan-lines.
5. Talking to an old friend from high school who I never thought I would speak to ever again (only because I was sure that she had been swallowed by the abyss that is marriage and family).
6. Singing happy birthday to my 92-year-old grandfather.
7. Leaving my wallet in JM’s car and then spazzing about it for an entire day.
8. Getting a B on my History Midterm!
9. Remembering an anniversary that I will probably never forget no matter how hard I try.
10. And soon…very soon…seeing Pinhead for the first time in over two years.
Today is my grandpa’s 92nd birthday. Since, D had offered to take me to lunch at her favorite Thai restaurant (which was not the one that I have been avoiding since it opened, mind you…), I decided to surprise him with a birthday treat. Being that I have no money (we unemployed folk rarely do), I couldn’t do much, but I bought the tiniest birthday cake, just for one, stuck a candle in it and marched into my grandpa’s apartment and said, “Happy Birthday! Make a wish!” It seems, after he told me the story of how he met my grandmother, that he has pretty much gotten everything he’s ever wished for.
My grandfather is the sweetest, most adorable man alive and he knows that he is one of the lucky ones. He was married to the love of his life for 51 years…even if his first thought of her was “That’s a BIG girl!” (He says that this is because they met on a stairwell and she was standing on the landing and he was several steps below, she was only 5 feet 6 inches.) He told me how she and three other nurses were living in a duplex close to his college campus and that he had gone to a luncheon where the ladies were to bring lunches for the men and then the men were to bid on the lunch they wanted. He said that most of the men were scoping out the women and not the lunches, but my grandfather, the bagged lunch connoisseur, was actually checking out the lunches. He found one that was particularly interesting (it was in a coffee can with a can opener taped to the side) and he bid on it. That lunch belonged to my grandmother’s best friend Ronnie. My grandpa had lunch with Ronnie and then a week later found out that she was in a clinic because, as a nurse, she had been exposed to TB and was receiving treatment. Grandpa called the house where Ronnie lived with my grandmother and asked if anyone would like to go and visit her in the clinic. He was told that someone would come. It was my grandma. And they rode 30 minutes out of town together and it was then that my grandma told him that she had been the one to make that lunch and had intended to be at the luncheon too but had been called into work. I wanted to ask what she was wearing and if he knew right away that she was “the one” but he seemed so enthusiastic about telling me about the honeymoon that lasted a month and involved cross-country driving and a bear getting into their car, that I didn’t want to interrupt. He is a fascinating man, my grandpa. So…if you have one…and you can…give yours a hug today…
I guess now we know why my family is so obsessed with coffee, eh?
1. Catching up on reruns of “90210” (and remaining puzzled as to what has happened that makes Ian Ziering attractive now).
2. Filling out several applications in a market that has nothing to do with what my resume says.
3. Starting to sleepwalk.
4. Getting new tan-lines.
5. Talking to an old friend from high school who I never thought I would speak to ever again (only because I was sure that she had been swallowed by the abyss that is marriage and family).
6. Singing happy birthday to my 92-year-old grandfather.
7. Leaving my wallet in JM’s car and then spazzing about it for an entire day.
8. Getting a B on my History Midterm!
9. Remembering an anniversary that I will probably never forget no matter how hard I try.
10. And soon…very soon…seeing Pinhead for the first time in over two years.
Today is my grandpa’s 92nd birthday. Since, D had offered to take me to lunch at her favorite Thai restaurant (which was not the one that I have been avoiding since it opened, mind you…), I decided to surprise him with a birthday treat. Being that I have no money (we unemployed folk rarely do), I couldn’t do much, but I bought the tiniest birthday cake, just for one, stuck a candle in it and marched into my grandpa’s apartment and said, “Happy Birthday! Make a wish!” It seems, after he told me the story of how he met my grandmother, that he has pretty much gotten everything he’s ever wished for.
My grandfather is the sweetest, most adorable man alive and he knows that he is one of the lucky ones. He was married to the love of his life for 51 years…even if his first thought of her was “That’s a BIG girl!” (He says that this is because they met on a stairwell and she was standing on the landing and he was several steps below, she was only 5 feet 6 inches.) He told me how she and three other nurses were living in a duplex close to his college campus and that he had gone to a luncheon where the ladies were to bring lunches for the men and then the men were to bid on the lunch they wanted. He said that most of the men were scoping out the women and not the lunches, but my grandfather, the bagged lunch connoisseur, was actually checking out the lunches. He found one that was particularly interesting (it was in a coffee can with a can opener taped to the side) and he bid on it. That lunch belonged to my grandmother’s best friend Ronnie. My grandpa had lunch with Ronnie and then a week later found out that she was in a clinic because, as a nurse, she had been exposed to TB and was receiving treatment. Grandpa called the house where Ronnie lived with my grandmother and asked if anyone would like to go and visit her in the clinic. He was told that someone would come. It was my grandma. And they rode 30 minutes out of town together and it was then that my grandma told him that she had been the one to make that lunch and had intended to be at the luncheon too but had been called into work. I wanted to ask what she was wearing and if he knew right away that she was “the one” but he seemed so enthusiastic about telling me about the honeymoon that lasted a month and involved cross-country driving and a bear getting into their car, that I didn’t want to interrupt. He is a fascinating man, my grandpa. So…if you have one…and you can…give yours a hug today…
I guess now we know why my family is so obsessed with coffee, eh?
4.05.2007
Philosophy 101
When the going gets tough, the tough take a baseball bat and bash the shit out of the assholes who pissed them off.
That's my new philosphy. Starting tomorrow, if you would like to keep your skull intact, don't fucking piss me off.
That's my new philosphy. Starting tomorrow, if you would like to keep your skull intact, don't fucking piss me off.
3.09.2007
3.07.2007
Blah
There is a guy sitting in my yard playing the guitar and singing right now. And the only noise coming from my apartment is the clicking of keys. Now I can totally see why we are getting kicked out. Oh…wait…
I wish I could say that there has been a lot of fun stuff going on with me lately, but I can only say this, I am broke, I have cramps, and I hate my landlord. I’ve been feeling pretty…”blah”…lately. I am pissed off at my skin, my stomach, God, primetime television, people who have money, the weather, gas prices, American History, myspace, my general lack of creativity or anything interesting to say, my stupid fucking back, pretty much everything.
I’ve been spending most of my time watching bad TV and fantasizing about faking my own death and running off to a deserted island. And wondering why Sundance Head thought it was a good idea to sing “Jeremy” on American Idol last night. Seriously. I think that if you aren’t Eddie Vedder, you should not attempt to sing his songs. Stop it.
School started this week and I got started with my assignments early so that I didn’t have to worry about them over the weekend. I felt good about that, but then I got to the History assignment that I just can’t bring myself to do. I can’t read about history. I can’t do it. Pinhead used to do my history homework. (Keep in mind that I failed.)
Speaking of Jeremies and Pinheads.
I checked Jer’s myspace profile today. I found him a few months ago, realized it was set to private (I hate it when people do that!) and never checked again. Well, it isn’t private anymore. And it honestly wasn’t very interesting. Seems he is back into the import car scene (thank Cheesus I am not around for Round Two of that shit) and everything else I already knew. Wife, blah. Two kids, blah. Looks exactly the same, blah. Same old guy. Only he had Modest Mouse on his profile, which irritates me because the only way I ever knew that music destined for sell-out, was because he was listening to it. (And yes, I AM aware that Modest Mouse already did that…thankyouverymuch.) Either way, it wasn’t all that interesting.
Since the infamous Pinhead phone call, I have been having random conversations via text with him. He keeps apologizing for everything and evidently, plans to be home in about 2 weeks. It should be interesting to see him. It’s been years. I am sort of torn. I am excited to see him, because really all I ever wanted was for him to admit that he was acting like a childish asshole, and now he did that. But I think it might be hard to drag me out of this antisocial slump I’ve been in. But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…he always was good at luring me out with him to a bar, getting me hammered and then starting a fight about something ridiculous on the way home. I can’t wait.
I wish I could say that there has been a lot of fun stuff going on with me lately, but I can only say this, I am broke, I have cramps, and I hate my landlord. I’ve been feeling pretty…”blah”…lately. I am pissed off at my skin, my stomach, God, primetime television, people who have money, the weather, gas prices, American History, myspace, my general lack of creativity or anything interesting to say, my stupid fucking back, pretty much everything.
I’ve been spending most of my time watching bad TV and fantasizing about faking my own death and running off to a deserted island. And wondering why Sundance Head thought it was a good idea to sing “Jeremy” on American Idol last night. Seriously. I think that if you aren’t Eddie Vedder, you should not attempt to sing his songs. Stop it.
School started this week and I got started with my assignments early so that I didn’t have to worry about them over the weekend. I felt good about that, but then I got to the History assignment that I just can’t bring myself to do. I can’t read about history. I can’t do it. Pinhead used to do my history homework. (Keep in mind that I failed.)
Speaking of Jeremies and Pinheads.
I checked Jer’s myspace profile today. I found him a few months ago, realized it was set to private (I hate it when people do that!) and never checked again. Well, it isn’t private anymore. And it honestly wasn’t very interesting. Seems he is back into the import car scene (thank Cheesus I am not around for Round Two of that shit) and everything else I already knew. Wife, blah. Two kids, blah. Looks exactly the same, blah. Same old guy. Only he had Modest Mouse on his profile, which irritates me because the only way I ever knew that music destined for sell-out, was because he was listening to it. (And yes, I AM aware that Modest Mouse already did that…thankyouverymuch.) Either way, it wasn’t all that interesting.
Since the infamous Pinhead phone call, I have been having random conversations via text with him. He keeps apologizing for everything and evidently, plans to be home in about 2 weeks. It should be interesting to see him. It’s been years. I am sort of torn. I am excited to see him, because really all I ever wanted was for him to admit that he was acting like a childish asshole, and now he did that. But I think it might be hard to drag me out of this antisocial slump I’ve been in. But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…he always was good at luring me out with him to a bar, getting me hammered and then starting a fight about something ridiculous on the way home. I can’t wait.
3.06.2007
Droppings
I keep thinking that I am going to finally be settled and not have to move again. And then something burns down or some shit and I have to do it all over again. I really should be used to it. This time, I am just too tired. So I have spent my time thinking of other things.
1. How freaking many Pussycat Dolls are there? I mean really. They need THAT many skanky bitches to make horrible, tasteless music? And now they need a television show so they can find ANOTHER one?
2. Why did I take another History class? Did I forget how much I hate History?
3. Why won't they play the last episode of "Roseanne" on TV so Spliff can see it? Why?
4. What the hell happened to the faucet in the shower? Why does it, all of a sudden, turn all the way around and make it nearly impossible to turn off the cold water? I am secretly blaming Thing Two because he was the last one to use it before it went berzerk. Damn you, Thing Two.
5. Why don't I have rich parents? I need rich parents. Someone should adopt me. I am writing to The Donald.
1. How freaking many Pussycat Dolls are there? I mean really. They need THAT many skanky bitches to make horrible, tasteless music? And now they need a television show so they can find ANOTHER one?
2. Why did I take another History class? Did I forget how much I hate History?
3. Why won't they play the last episode of "Roseanne" on TV so Spliff can see it? Why?
4. What the hell happened to the faucet in the shower? Why does it, all of a sudden, turn all the way around and make it nearly impossible to turn off the cold water? I am secretly blaming Thing Two because he was the last one to use it before it went berzerk. Damn you, Thing Two.
5. Why don't I have rich parents? I need rich parents. Someone should adopt me. I am writing to The Donald.
2.16.2007
T Minus Three Days
I woke up this morning in the kind of mood that happens maybe once in a millennium. The countdown to the new job is almost complete and this is my last Friday under the rule of the idiot tyrant and I couldn’t be more excited. It feels like the last day of school, even though it isn’t technically my last day here in the office.
So far today, I have done very little on the work side of things. I managed to spend thirty minutes chatting with Mrs. P while waiting in line in the cafeteria for our Vanilla Lattes and omelets and when we got back everyone decided that we should take an early lunch and head out to Murray Hill and get some goodies at the Edgewood Bakery. I bought cookies for the receptionists (because I am ever so sweet and completely giddy that I only have to come back here twice more) and an éclair for me. I came back and chatted on myspace with Uncle D (not MY uncle), otherwise known as “The Horrible Englishman”, and then took a smoke break. Yep. I have successfully managed to make eat myself into (a big fat) oblivion and send transatlantic kicks to the shins (as payback for his sitting on my stomach and tickling me until 3am the last time we saw each other).
Tonight is the send off party. “The Others” planned an outing to celebrate my new job which will, no doubt, include table dancing, tambourines, and many, many drinks (I hope they are free, after all it is MY party!). This morning, I thought I might not want to go, but the more the day wears on, the more impatient I get. I want to play! And I don’t even care if they are as happy to see me go as I am to leave! Hand over the free drinks, bitches!
So far today, I have done very little on the work side of things. I managed to spend thirty minutes chatting with Mrs. P while waiting in line in the cafeteria for our Vanilla Lattes and omelets and when we got back everyone decided that we should take an early lunch and head out to Murray Hill and get some goodies at the Edgewood Bakery. I bought cookies for the receptionists (because I am ever so sweet and completely giddy that I only have to come back here twice more) and an éclair for me. I came back and chatted on myspace with Uncle D (not MY uncle), otherwise known as “The Horrible Englishman”, and then took a smoke break. Yep. I have successfully managed to make eat myself into (a big fat) oblivion and send transatlantic kicks to the shins (as payback for his sitting on my stomach and tickling me until 3am the last time we saw each other).
Tonight is the send off party. “The Others” planned an outing to celebrate my new job which will, no doubt, include table dancing, tambourines, and many, many drinks (I hope they are free, after all it is MY party!). This morning, I thought I might not want to go, but the more the day wears on, the more impatient I get. I want to play! And I don’t even care if they are as happy to see me go as I am to leave! Hand over the free drinks, bitches!
2.13.2007
When Conversations...
Take a turn for the worse:
"I might one day decide that I need really expensive coffee and then end up drinking monkey shit."
My favorite morning beverage will never been the same again.
"I might one day decide that I need really expensive coffee and then end up drinking monkey shit."
My favorite morning beverage will never been the same again.
2.11.2007
Quote of the Weekend
"Like, I would throw a bucket of water on her if she were on fire, but if it were really gasoline, I wouldn't be too upset."
2.06.2007
On Smiling...
This is going to be a quick one since I have about five minutes before I have to start drinking wine and watching American Idol. (Yes, Spliff and I are uber-tools and we have a ritual for Tuesdays.)
Things that have managed to make me smile/giggle/laugh uncontrollably this week:
“Make love to a filipinera, pass me the keys to my brunch”
“What are you? Like 20? 21?” (Spoken to me by my new best friend.)
“You could never be the ugly friend.” (Likewise, baby, likewise.)
A package from my dad. (Containing two items, identical except for their color, that I cannot…CANNOT chose between…Sorry Fish Head…Seems like we both inherited the indecisive gene.)
I got hooked up on a deal for a laptop and am going to be using a lappy from here on out! Woot!
“Hi, puddin.”
A note from thing one. (Which I originally thought was from Thing Two…and now am just perplexed about when Thing One was in my house…little creepy…but cute, nonetheless.)
Finally getting to talk to Brandy and Eppernepperhart.
That’s all I got. Let the debauchery begin!
Things that have managed to make me smile/giggle/laugh uncontrollably this week:
“Make love to a filipinera, pass me the keys to my brunch”
“What are you? Like 20? 21?” (Spoken to me by my new best friend.)
“You could never be the ugly friend.” (Likewise, baby, likewise.)
A package from my dad. (Containing two items, identical except for their color, that I cannot…CANNOT chose between…Sorry Fish Head…Seems like we both inherited the indecisive gene.)
I got hooked up on a deal for a laptop and am going to be using a lappy from here on out! Woot!
“Hi, puddin.”
A note from thing one. (Which I originally thought was from Thing Two…and now am just perplexed about when Thing One was in my house…little creepy…but cute, nonetheless.)
Finally getting to talk to Brandy and Eppernepperhart.
That’s all I got. Let the debauchery begin!
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