So…this is the new year…and I have no resolution…

I won’t be making one either, thank you very much…because they are pointless and just a waste of time. Why do people make them? Why can’t they decide to change because it is…Tuesday…or just because it is better for them? Why do they need a new year to make these changes? It is all so cliché….

So…I have a good feeling about this year. I know it is probably silly…and maybe even a little naïve to think that this year will be any better than last. But I am optimistic. And I have never felt like this before. I think there will be major things happening this year. Major ones.

I am hopeful that, through everything, I can remain centered. I feel like I have a clean slate today…like all of my indiscretions have been washed clean and I can start again. A feeling that I have been waiting for. A feeling that has finally come. I feel new.

The memory of John is haunting us all now…in a way that we all knew it would. A way that we could only expect to come from this toxicology report. Like a dark cloud over all of our heads…at least now we can put it in the past. I hope we are strong enough. I think that we are. I think that making it through this will show us all that we are still alive. Even if he isn’t. I just wish that Sarah could understand that he isn’t gone for good…he is within every one of us. Always.

That is the hard part about starting fresh. You have to do just that. You have to let go of things. Things that you never thought you would have to. I think we could all use this fresh start.

I watched “Garden State” last night. I just want to say…first…WOW. I loved that movie. But it made me sad. It made me wonder what the point of everything was. And it made me feel like I wasn’t doing anything with myself. Not the movie itself, but the fact that Zach Braff wrote it…and I could do that. I know that I could do that. I could write something amazing too. I just haven’t. But who is to say that I won’t?

In other news, New Year’s Eve went well. No scary psycho drama. We went to D’s house and Tiff made friends with the Doberman, which almost made me cry. That was a HUGE step for her. HUGE. D’s brother was the same as always. Full of shit. I have come to expect it from all guys at this point anyway, but…you know…I wish I didn’t have to. I wish that there was ONE out there who wasn’t a complete tool. But there isn’t…so…whatever. I suppose that eventually, I will give up on finding said boy. Although, I did meet one last night who impressed me. He sang the theme from “Rent”. Sometimes showtunes are all you need.

Mofro was fan-freaking-tastic, by the way. If you had the opportunity to go and didn’t, you are insane. This is the third show that I have seen and every one is better than the last. They are AMAZING. The opening band was great too, (Greyhounds). I love it when I go to a show and the opening band is good. It is like…a bonus.

Ricky is moving tomorrow. I really don’t even want to deal with that. I think I have kind of…ignored it until now. I have known that it was coming, but I never really thought about it. His stuff is being picked up today…so he will stay at our house tonight and then leave in the morning. I am really sad. I hate that every time that I make a friend that I intend to keep, they are ripped away…in this case by the Navy…I hate that damn Navy. He just called and it just hit me.

I am also wondering why every time I talk to Jason, the conversation starts with him calling me “Punk ass”…