It seems like everyone had a shitty day today. The Idiot was gonna cutta bitch, That Pookie cried all day, and I don’t even want to talk about my day. I think that it has something to do with the stars.

Tonight, there was a possibility that I would be hanging out with the Italian/Moroccan/Belgian guy. But I am not interested in him and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. Anyone being the operative word here.

I am so frustrated about the whole, gay boyfriend, psycho Rasta, and other idiot situations. I know it sounds like I have a lot of boy problems, but the problem seems more to be that the ones that are becoming problems are the ones that I am not interested in. Or that I shouldn’t be interested in. The ones that I should stay away from. I have been good, I really have. But the better I am, the worse things get. But there is always that one that gets me. He gets me and he infuriates me, all at once. He creates a world in his mind that makes me the bad guy every time. Even when I am being cordial and sweet and the person that he wanted to be with, he can turn it all around and make it all my fault. He can make a simple, innocent situation into a frustrating, uncomfortable for everyone kind of mess. And I am not the one that pointed it out. I am the one that looks past it, because I want to see the good in him. Because I want to believe that he isn’t the monster that he turns into when I’m not paying attention.

It’s a mistake that we all make at one time or another. Overlooking things that should scream, “Caution!” Overlooking what makes people who they are, ignoring the signs that point to an end. And even though, we never had a deep connection, or even a long relationship, there was something that I didn’t quite bargain for. Something foreign and intense that I haven’t quite put my finger on, even still. And it churns up something in me, even in anger, (especially in anger) that no one has been so able to match.

The worst part is that when I see him, I turn into the girl that I hate the most. The melted little girl that I was before I grew up. And I just really want it to stop.