I finally did it. I went to sleep before ten last night! Who cares if I used a sleep aid? I still did it. And I woke up like a normal person this morning and I feel great. But I want more. I want MORE falling asleep before I can hear the theme song for “Law and Order”! I want MORE of the TV timer turning off before Roseanne screams “BECKY!” or “DARLENE!” I seriously want to do this every night. In fact, I am thinking that if I play my cards right, I can be fast asleep by 9 tonight. I love it. I have created a monster out of me.

My first order of business on this first day of well-rested bliss was to send hate mail to the annoying drug rep to warn him that if he comes anywhere near me today, I will cut him. In my head, the nasty-gram went like this:

Dear Fuck-face,
Please stop calling and harassing me about meetings with my physicians. When they want to meet with you, they will. Otherwise, it is safe to assume that they hate you as much as I do. They don’t care about your crappy, free pens. They don’t want more educational pamphlets because, NEWSFLASH: you aren’t telling them things they don’t know. They do this shit all day. They are physicians. Leave me alone.

Sincerely,
The secretary who will cut you.

On paper, it went a lot smoother and less to the point. I basically said the same thing with nicer words. Of course, he IS a knob head…so I am not really sure he will catch on. Next time, I won’t spare him the language I usually reserve for idiot drivers.

I got a strange text message from a number that I didn’t recognize last night. Sometime after I fell asleep. It read, “Party much?” I found it to be pretty ironic that the one night in the last thousand years that I fell asleep early, someone wants to comment on my partying. Someone anonymous, at that. Maybe I wasn’t really sleeping. Maybe my body got up and went out on the town and I just don’t remember. Maybe this anonymous person saw me out partying like a rock star last night. Who knows? I do know one thing, if I could party like a rock star at night and feel as good as I do today, I would never sleep.

Word.