I had butterflies in my stomach when I woke up today. I couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to happen. Things were about to get very real in my dreamy little world. I knew that whether or not the phone rang, a letter would be delivered and it would change me in someone’s eyes forever. I turned my phone off on the ride to work. I kept it off all day until about an hour ago. The call came and went. And then came again. And I have not felt brave enough to answer it yet.

I have tried, like LBG knew I would, to play out the conversation in my head for days. I have tried every angle. Every single word. And all I can come up with is this: I’m not ready yet. Maybe because I feel that I have said everything I possibly could have said. Maybe because I am afraid of what he will say. But I know one thing. Things are very real right now.

I remember the feeling I got when I kissed a boy for the first time. It was so real. So intense. So scary. I felt like my insides had turned upside down. I felt like my face would catch fire. It was a swirly, drunk feeling. But so sobering. Much like this.

I know that I should suck it up and answer the phone. But for right now, I need to drink beer. I need to be loose and less of a spaz. I need to…possibly play in traffic.

Stuck-in-my-Head Song of the Day: "On the Other Hand" - Randy Travis (Don't ask...)