I had a conversation not too long ago, with an eleven year old. I tried to explain how, when you get older, best friends kind of…change. They don’t so much get the title of best friend anymore because it seems silly. Obsolete. I explained the reason for this as being, when you get older, your crowd gets smaller and you start to really love the people who don’t fade away. You end up being more like family. People who, in high school, might have been your “best friends” have started lives and your friendship has vanished with the days. I explained that this is the reason that, at my age, all the friends you have are your “best friends”. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have withstood the test of time. You can meet new friends, but it is harder to maintain friendships, because real life gets in the way. So not everyone makes it to the finish line. There is a lot of effort involved. . It is survival of the fittest.

I’m lucky. I have a lot of “fit” friends.

Not too long ago, I ventured into a new apartment, with a new face and a brand new attitude. Now, I just want out of it. I think part of me always gets a little sad when Spliff goes back home, but I really don’t think that part ever really shuts up.

I wasn’t so much trying to replace Spliff with a roommate as I was just trying to stay social. I have a tendency not to want people around me all the time. Spliff broke through. I didn’t mind sharing a bathroom. Or her deciding it was time for me to wake up and coming into my room and jumping on my bed. I didn’t mind the constant company. But I realize that we have a friendship that no one can really duplicate.

Now I want my own space. I want to look around and know that everything is just mine. And even though, I am dreading the move, I can’t wait to have that again. Someone once told me, that even with the close relationships I have, I am the most independent girl they knew. Time to act like it. Because really, I think that if I had been able to afford it then, I would have never had a roommate to begin with.

But, shit…I sure am glad I did.

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Firecracker" - Ryan Adams