Infestation

“The cold that will not die” still lingers somewhere in my chest this week. This makes exactly 22 days of not feeling up to par. It is getting really, really annoying. And it isn’t the kind of annoyance you get from a mosquito bite. You know, where you want to just scratch that one little spot until it stops, but can usually be calmed with a little calomine lotion? It is the kind of annoyance that affects every aspect of you. Like a full body rash. You can’t possibly reach every place that you want to scratch, so the only alternative seems to be hurling yourself in front of a bus. Because at least then, the shit would stop. (Unless, of course, you survived and then had to wear a body cast. I imagine if you couldn’t handle a rash, you couldn’t handle a full body cast. But I digress.)

Anyway, it is really freaking annoying and I have had just about all I can take. I have been stuffing my face with vitamins of every variety. Multivitamins, Vitamin C, Vitamin B (any variation of), Zinc, Echinacea…You name it, I have ingested it in the last three weeks. And what has all of this pill popping accomplished? Nothing.

It’s the strangest cold I have ever had. I don’t feel ill, just a little tired. But I have these coughing fits throughout the day that weren’t even part of the cold when it began. Stupid germ spreading bastards at my job did this. I am sure of it. Anyway, I have four full days until the vacation starts and I WILL be better by then. Because it seems like every time I get to take a vacation that I am really looking forward to, I spend it on my deathbed. Oh, no, asshole cold from hell, not this time. You messed with the wrong blonde girl.

As a direct result of this unyielding infestation of my body, I have become hopelessly addicted to hand sanitizer. I have always used a healthy amount of this stuff but I realized today that I pretty much use it any time I answer the phone, type anything, touch anything that is on my desk, touch my face, touch someone else, when anyone sneezes anywhere, or if I am looked at by someone who currently has or has recently had the “infestation of the body”. I guess I could have formed a worse addiction.

See? I can honestly say that in the time that it took me to write that last paragraph, I have used the sanitizer twice. Twice. You would think the germies would be scared of me.

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "P.Y.T."- Michael Jackson