Inspiration in the dark

I have been in a generally bad mood today. For no reason. Just because. As a matter of fact, I was this way all weekend too. I didn't go out at all, I didn't see anyone except Tiff and D. It was quiet and nice, but I was lonely. By choice? I didn't want to see anyone, but I didn't want to be alone. I guess the alone thing, is the alone that you feel when you don't have someone, not the alone that you feel when no one is around.

I did get a chance to think about a lot of things that had been bothering me. But I really don't think that I resolved anything yet. So, I decided that, being in need of inspiration, I would lock myself in my room with my cigarettes and my computer and my Ben Harper and The Blind Boys CD and FIND me some inspiration.

So far, I have discovered that I look pretty cute when I wear a scarf on my head and only my bangs hang out. And I have discovered that when you type in the dark, it tends to hurt the eyes. And I discovered that I don't have much to say lately. If I did, I am sure that I could say it eloquently, but nothing comes out. Nothing of importance is happening in my head. I am in a strange state of mind lately. I am so surrounded by people that I feel more like an alien than I ever have. And I am so alone inside myself that I barely notice the people trying to get in. And when I do notice them, I shut them down so quickly that they don't even know what happened.

There has to be something wrong with me. Does everyone do that? Would everyone rather reside in the solitary confinements of their minds, than open up and risk sounding like an asshole every once in a while? Or is this just me?

Maybe we all just need to be saved.