Reality and Things

Well, I went home yesterday, checked my attitude at the door, and decided that I am not going to be punchy today. That's right, internet, I am going to enjoy this day if it means that my face cracks from fake smiling. I am just going to have to suck it up. After all, it is finally Friday and once it is over, I have two full days of whatever the hell I want to do and whoever the hell I want to see. And sleeping. Oh, the sleeping.

 

I am still fighting the cranky, but I am in a much better position to do so today. Partially, because I had enough sleep last night and will not have to mainline my coffee to make it through the day, and partially because I realized I just don't care enough about anything that Spliff could do to ruin my mood. Besides, I have an iPod, tuning her out shouldn't be too hard. (I say this, but as I mentioned before, she is really loud and sits 2 feet from me. But I will not be punchy. I mean it, internet.)

 

In truth, a big part of the change of attitude had to do with this blog. I realized a few things while going through a bunch of older posts yesterday.

 

1. Yes, Spliff is being a complete bitch and has been for quite some time. But I don't hate her. I don't like her right now, but we have a lot of history and it takes too much energy to be angry with someone. Her being a bitch is not my problem. That is all her.  I mean, I don't really know the reason for it, but I guess I can't really concern myself with that. (I have a sneaking suspicion that she is just bitter because she sort of shot herself in the foot financially as far as staying in that apartment goes and she currently still owes me money.)

 

2. In general, I am much happier since I have moved out of there. Obviously, it is a little stressful  with this weirdness going on, but again, I am not the one causing it so I doubt I can do anything to change it. At least for the time being.

 

3. The reality is that for years, I have been the one dealing with the brunt of everything. Standing by her and helping her through hard times, but I haven't really gotten much in return. I mean, I got some concert tickets and some fun trips.  You know, and she paid half the rent. But honestly, anyone could have done those things. And I am shocked that none of you told me that she was "dead inside" before now. (Because someone, who shall remain nameless, actually said that to me recently. Dang!)

 

4. I am exhausted. Being friends with someone who takes but never gives is a thankless job. And a job it has become.

 

5.  I will not be punchy.