No disasters tonight. Just some juicy gossip about Boy, because, with him punking out last minute on happy hour I learned a lot about him.

He evidently really likes me.
He has a girlfriend that he mysteriously, has denied having since I have been in the department.
I know her.

Nice little tidbits. Nice, indeed. Luckily for me, no one knew that I had a thing for him. (Had being the operative word). Because I don’t let my coworkers know much. Because, typically, they are stupid.

What I don’t get, is why when ASKED (not BY me, but in a conversation that included me) if he had a girlfriend, he said no. He said no, while looking directly at me. I feel like a high school kid. I feel like I am acting stupid. This, I remember, is exactly why I do not let myself fall for anyone.

I hope that I don’t look like an asshole here. I feel like one. I feel like I should have known that he had a girlfriend and not carried on flirtation that (almost always) started with him. But really, how could I have known?

I hate when I allow myself to feel like this. That’s it. Crizzle is BACK. No more crushes.

I have been thinking a lot though. I am thinking…(not related to anything mentioned previously) that I might be too real for people. Casper, reaffirming what I might have already known, said that I might be a little intimidating. But I don’t understand that. People who know me, know that I am a huge sap but yet…I am intimidating? People have said that my whole life. My ex even said that. He said my biggest asset AND my biggest flaw was that I was so self-sufficient, so independent. Is that a bad thing? I was always taught that it was good. Was I misinformed?