Slayer Part One

I have spent the largest part of today, fighting a headache and browsing through an endless stream of bridal gowns for Connie-Bob’s November wedding. Seeing all of the puffiness makes me want to grab Tory and a video camera and head to Dillard’s for a little princess dress fun. I miss those days. Even though, the urge to grab Tory and do anything these days is diminishing rather surprisingly. Just because I am tired of having to do all of the work.

Speaking of work, I have taken on a new identity. One that I am not proud of. Snake slayer. Yes, that’s right.

Last night, while talking to Jay and LBG on IM, I saw my beloved cat swatting at something in the bathroom. Since, he is pretty much always swatting at something, I left him to it and continued my conversation. Not long later, when he had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor and I peered inside, I saw a good deal of blood near his feet and thought he might have gotten hurt outside. I inspected him but didn’t find anything. I cleaned up the blood and thought nothing more.

When he went back outside, I went to fill up his bowl (which was in the bathroom), I noticed what looked like a very large lizard tail. I know this because it is pretty much true all the time that there is a lizard somewhere in my apartment. When I got closer, I realized that it must be the midsection of a snake. It was entirely too big to be a tail, and had no head, so…when it started to move, I got a little sickened and decided to leave it there until it stopped.

When I glanced into the bathroom a third time, I saw the rest of my new little roommate. Luckily, I am not scared of snakes because, however small, I could see the massive fury growing in him as he slithered away from his back end. I am pretty rational unless spiders are involved though, so even though there was a snake in the bathroom and I had to pee, I just started looking on the internet for pictures of non-poisonous snakes. I called some boys, thinking that they would have some input as to what I should do about my little friend, but no one was answering their phones. I got no help from the internet OR the boys who are supposed to come in handy in times like these. Curses.

I went into the bathroom to face him head on. Here is where things get tricky. On the one hand, I do not want a potentially poisonous animal in my house. On the other hand, I don’t want this potentially non-poisonous animal to die because he is in my house. (Aside from that I wouldn’t even care if he had been poisonous as long as he was outside. I just don’t care unless I might die.) I stared at him, trying to reach an understanding. Trying to will him out of the bathroom and out of my house, with my mind. But he just stared back, flicking his tongue at me, challenging me. I know right then, that one of us would die.
I also knew that I have never killed anything with fewer legs than I have, so it wasn’t going to be fun…or easy.

To be continued...