I had another dream about J last night.
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it makes me miss him with an intensity that I can’t put into words. I wish so many things had been different then. Not because I want him back, but because I would feel better about the whole thing if I had any way to justify my treatment of the situation. Or, more specifically, my treatment of him.
When I dream of him, we talk about things but we leave out details. He tells me how things are with K. But he never says anything specific. Sometimes we are in places I don’t recognize. Sometimes we are in the familiar ones that we frequented. And no matter what is said, I wake up feeling haunted and sad. And I just want to tell him how sorry I am. Because I can never really get around to that. Even in dreams.
Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "50 Ways to Leave your Lover" - Paul Simon