(The Absence of) Brilliance

I had set aside, like I do most often, the afternoon to post a brilliant and hysterically funny little dish for you today (I realize that the brilliance and hysterical funniness rarely happen…but…that’s neither here nor there.)…and then, just as I was returning from my weekly trip to mom’s for “the laundry experience”, all hell broke loose.

All of a sudden, I was the only one left in the office. At first, I thought, “Awesome. I can get some peace and quiet.” (Because today was National Bitch About Everything Day” in the office.) And then, BAM! And yes, I mean BAM! (And not the moderately loud “bam!” that one might use to describe the slamming of a door or something of the like. The kind of “BAM!” that sort of makes one want to curl up into the fetal position and rock oneself to sleep. Crying.)

You guessed it. Attack of the Psycho Patients (Wednesday Edition).

There is no doubt in my mind that this is payment for my statements the other day about the office being slow. But there I was. All alone with the incessant ringing of every line on my phone. Every call worse than the last. Every patient just a little closer to the edge. And by the end of it, I was spent. After three hours of sheer ridiculousness and saying the same thing, to the same people, over and over and over and over…it was finally time to get out. And it was like getting out of jail. I mean…I imagine…Shhh…

So now…after calming myself with several cigarettes and beers…I still don’t have anything brilliant or hysterically funny to say…Go figure.

God dammit. I need a new job. Right fucking now. I need an office with a window. I need a secretary and a huge salary. I need a Starbucks cart that comes to me every morning. But first, I need them to remove all calories and fat.

But most of all…I need more alcohol. (Ernge keeps eying mine anyway...)

Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: "Mouthful of Cavities" - Blind Melon